Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Yes, I'm Still Alive And Sexy As Ever. Thanks For Asking.

I suck at blogging. And at dieting. Because I haven't been here in almost a week and still can't think of anything awesome to blog about. And because it's been 3 weeks and I haven't lost a single pound.

Failure, thy name is Miss Yvonne.

Also? Suck it Chick fil A. You and your delicious chicken sandwiches can go to hell. And take that "limited time only" peppermint chocolate chip shake with you. You asshole.

Also? I just read on a fashion blog today that those shrug sweaters with ties in the front are ridiculously outdated. Guess what I'm wearing today after finding it at the back of my closet and getting all clappy and jumpy because I forgot I had it and look how cute it still is? Damn it.

Also? In 3 weeks I'm going to NOLA for 4 days and just realized I have to share a suitcase with Captain Carl because we don't want to pay for two checked bags and there is no way I can take 4 pairs of shoes and 5 pairs of pants and 8 shirts if I have to make room for his shit too. Screw you, budget.

Also? I have to find some holiday spirit somewhere. Anyone have some extra they can email me or something? Because I have zero. We're putting the tree up this weekend and all I can do when I think about it is sigh heavily. Deck the halls with boughs of blah blah.

Also? It's December 1. The mortgage is due today.

Also? Marian is moving out in 15 days and we have to find a new renter.

Also? My kid lost his winter coat and needs a haircut and isn't studying for the ACT and is probably right this very minute skipping class to have sex with his girlfriend.

Also? Captain Carl bought me flowers yesterday. Just because.

hmmmm...

Life is pretty good, now that I think about it.

18 comments:

Cassie said...

I'm almost positive that Chick fil A puts something addictive in their food. Like MSG, but worse. That little trick they do with closing on Sundays is pretty bad too. It's like I have to eat there MORE during the week to make up for it.

Damn, now I want some chicken minis. Thanks a lot.

Dani said...

To hell with what the fashion magazine says, girl. If you look cute in it then wear that sweater with pride! And you could probably make room for a whole other pair of shoes in your suitcase by not packing undies, plus it would probably keep Captain Carl from complaining about having no packing space...just a thought.

Tristachio said...

I have no clue what NOLA is but I'm pretty sure it's got something to do with a penis. Why are you going to a penis Yvonne? WHY?!

AtYourCervix said...

Who cares what the fashion magazines say? I sure don't care! If it looks good, wear it!!!

PS - I've never eaten at Chick fil A. Good stuff?

PPS - word verification was upeon. Yep, u peon!

Little Ms Blogger said...

I know it's December 1st, but until some blogger pointed out 24 days until Christmas I thought I had all the time in the world.

In addition to have the world's longest to-do list, I also gained 2.6 lbs last week - damn that WW scale. Now, I actually have to meal plan.

Why don't you challenge the Captain to fit all his clothes in an overhead carry on? If nice, you can give him yours.

Logical Libby said...

I find drinking gives me the holiday spirit -- not matter what holiday it is.

kate said...

Sam and I just got back from 4 1/2 day trip to Atlanta for Thanksgiving and managed to fit ALL of our shit into one carry-on. It's totally doable! Check your stuff in and have Cap'n Carl carry his (like a good husband). Can I send you pictures of the awesomely tacky Santa hats that I'm going to stick on our awesomely tacky lawn flamingos to help spark your holiday spirit? :)

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Is it too ghetto to suggest carrying on a paper grocery bag filled with the things you couldn't fit in your suitcase, and calling it your "purse"? It works though. Don't knock it.

I have something holiday-spiritish that is also a maybe post topic, that I'm not creative or funny enough to tackle. Want the link?

Peggy said...

Felt the same way about the holidays and then once the tree was up I instantly felt better...must've been little baby jesus creepin into my heart (or the weed).

Jules said...

Screw the dieting. Your true talent is obviously on college campuses.

BugginWord said...

You can use your sweater shrug as a tree skirt for your freshly decorated tree. Look, I just saved you enough cheddar for your very own piece o' luggage!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Wow! Miss Yvonne, that was a lot to take in. Let's just hope the Kiddo is wearing protection or you'll have to make Marian's room a nursery! He he he!
Jugs@@

Ed Adams said...

Bags fly free on Southwest.

That should save Capt. Carl some money on a ticket for you.

Kurt said...

I tried to craft a comment that said something about you could be dead and still be sexy and it was hysterical and had a creepy undertone but then I burped and I forgot it completely. True story.

plo said...

You are as sexy as ever! We don't have a Chick Fil A, or I would go in there and steal all their straws and ketchup packets in protest for you.

kys said...

I was convinced that drinking those Chik Fil A milkshakes would help me get some Christmas spirit. I think I'll keep drinking them anyway.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Chick fil A.... it's a good thing they don't have one close to my house. Their sandwiches are so darn good. And now the milkshakes. Oy, it would not be pretty.

Hang in there and have a GREAT trip. And, um, you can carry on shoes. I girl's gotta have her shoes ;-)
xo

Kim said...

If you're like me you need a minimun of 3,000 calories to be witty. That's why skinny people are so boring.