Monday, December 21, 2009

UPDATED: Happy Holidays From Cell Block B

Since y'all demanded to see the prison art, I have now included a photo of it at the bottom of the post. Consider it my Christmas gift to you. You're welcome.

The Kiddo came home from school on Friday with a drawing of a trumpet, his instrument of choice, from his girlfriend...

Me: What's that?
Kiddo: My Christmas present from Marilyn.
Captain: Oh yeah? Let's see it.
Kiddo: It's a drawing.
Me & Captain: Ooooh, nice!
Me: I didn't know Marilyn could draw like that.
Kiddo: She can't. Her mom did it.
Captain: Oh that's nice, she got her mom to make it for you?
Kiddo: Yep. Cool, right?
Me: Oh yeah, definitely cool. I especially like the airbrushed colors.
Captain: Very tattoo-ish.
Me: Did she draw the trumpet free-hand?
Kiddo: Yep, she didn't use a template or ruler or anything.
Captain: Impressive!
Me: Very intricate.
Kiddo: Yeah, I guess she has a lot of time in prison to do stuff like this.


Me: Excuse me?
Kiddo: Her mom's in prison.
Captain: Oh.
Me: Huh.


Me: What for?
Kiddo: Something to do with meth.
Captain: Hmmm, well....ummm...
Me: That sucks.
Kiddo: Yeah, pretty much.

*silence while we all stare at the drawing*

Me: Well, that is so nice of her mom to do that for you!
Captain: Totally! If I were in prison, I'd probably just make shanks and shivs and figure out how to make moonshine under my bunk.
Me: Drawing is way better than making shivs.
Captain: Probably not as lucrative though.
Me: But less stabby.
Captain: Good point.
Me: I know, right? Up top!
Kiddo: Okay, you guys aren't going to say that stuff when Marilyn comes over tonight, are you?
Captain: Of course we are. n't.
Kiddo: Wait. You are or you aren't?
Me: Right.
Kiddo: Right what??
Captain: We are. n't.
Kiddo: Knock it off!
Me: No need to raise your voice, son.
Kiddo: Just give me a straight answer!
Captain: I already did. We totally are or are not.
Me: One or the other.
Kiddo: This is exactly why I never bring girls over here. *stomps upstairs*


Me: Holy shit. Prison art.
Captain: Maybe you shouldn't blog about this.
Me: I never said anything about blogging about it.
Captain: *stares*
Me: Oh come on! Prison art!
Captain: He'll be so mad at you if he finds out.
Me: I won't tell him about it until he's in college. Then it'll be funny.
Captain: Maybe. Then again, maybe not.
Me: *giggle*
Captain: Stop it. You are going to hell for laughing about this poor girl's misfortune.
Me: I know, I should stop.


Me: Hey honey...
Captain: Yeah?
Me: *whispering* Prison art!


Whitney said...

Just look at it this way, at least she's trying to pay her debt to society, one air brushed trumpet at a time!

Miss Vintage Vixen said...


Tony Spunk said...

You know, I had me a time with a prison gal once. Well, it was a minimum security ex-inmate but still. It was a wild time in a cleaning supply closet. Those gals are wild. Girl knew shit about art but she was a master with handcuffs and "being the man". Probably be best if she just took up trumpet drawing instead.

Ok this is sort of off topic I know.

kate said...

That's pretty freaking incredible. I'm going to have to tell my mother-in-law that she's going to need to step it up when it comes to presents this year to try an compete with a prison-drawn-trumpet-painting.

Ed Adams said...

For me...the best part....when talking about what Captain would be making in prison, and how you said art was better than making shanks and shivs and said...."Less stabby" and then Captain replied, "Good point"


Freudian PUN!

just making my way said...

Up top for the St Elmo's Fire reference!!

Mrs Jones said...

Go on - show it, show it, SHOW IT!!!

Mama Wheaton said...

I hope my boys don't want me to make gifts for their girls and no I'm notin prison. I just don't think I could do art stuff.

BeckEye said...

Please tell me you have a scanner.

Heather said...

Prison art is almost as good as prison moonshine except it doens't make you think of cronic constipation and throwing poo. 2 points also deducted for not being made in a toilet.

Stacie's Madness said...

I couldn't resist if this was a conversation had in my house either.

kudos for the great blog material. LOL

Houston said...

At least it wasn't a stash of panties...

"Prison Panties" (Granny Style)

Anonymous said...

Frame it! It's PRISON ART!

But I'm with Captain. I'd spend my time making shanks and shivs. They'd be WAY more handy!!

OR perhaps and tunnel. Yeah. I'd totally make a tunnel.

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

There are some words you never expect to see arranged together in a sentence. These are some of them:

"Drawing is way better than making shivs."

Love it! :)

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I'm speechless.

Word verification: thilipro
So there!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours.


____j said...

You guys have the funniest conversations. You totally should have posted a pic of the drawing.

Whitney said...

I would totally make you a scarf if I knew what i was doing and they didn't turn out looking like they were made by someone with no hands.

if your blog stays this hilarious and I master the fine art of crochet, you will most definitely get one next year.

Moooooog35 said...

I'm not sure where this world would be without prison art.

Probably just a world without prison art..but that's too scary to think about.

Peggy said...

The meth trumpet absolutely needs to be hung over the mantel for Christmas...

miss. chief said...


The Peach Tart said...

Ok missy. Be nice when the prison artist's daughter comes over. She must be so embarrassed. Or not.

Mona Lott said...

I'm totally doing that when I go to prison!

Anonymous said...

Prison art is AWESOME...

stabby, hehe, that's a good word I like it

I hope one day, that I too, can put my son through this same kind of torture <3 Your my inspiration, not to be confused with the Chicago song but along the same lines

BugginWord said...

*FIST BUMP* That was bad ass.

Erin said...

It's nice of the prison moms to make art for their kids' boyfriends.

Did I really just type that?

Aion said...

they find some very "unique" material to use for their "colors" I hear... mostly food items...

Pretty cool blog... I enjoy reading it :)

Ellie said...


Soda and Candy said...

Prison art!

I love that everything gets classified in terms of appropriate to blog about or not appropriate to blog about.. or is that just in my life?

Just.Kate said...

Punny! Yea yea. *jazz hands*

Just.Kate said...

And yes- Christmas morning I'm going to say, "Oo. A Barnes & Noble giftcard. BUT THIS BLOG I READ? THEY GOT PRISON TRUMPET ART!"

diane said...

"silence while we all stare at the drawing" *snort* I wish we were neighbors, I heart you.

Kim said...

I was waiting for the picture-- what gives? Well, if they get married you totally win as the good mom-in-law.

Mona Lott said...

Oh my sweet lord!

The Fucking Outsiders!!!!!!! *dies*