Since y'all demanded to see the prison art, I have now included a photo of it at the bottom of the post. Consider it my Christmas gift to you. You're welcome.
The Kiddo came home from school on Friday with a drawing of a trumpet, his instrument of choice, from his girlfriend...
Me: What's that?
Kiddo: My Christmas present from Marilyn.
Captain: Oh yeah? Let's see it.
Kiddo: It's a drawing.
Me & Captain: Ooooh, nice!
Me: I didn't know Marilyn could draw like that.
Kiddo: She can't. Her mom did it.
Captain: Oh that's nice, she got her mom to make it for you?
Kiddo: Yep. Cool, right?
Me: Oh yeah, definitely cool. I especially like the airbrushed colors.
Captain: Very tattoo-ish.
Me: Did she draw the trumpet free-hand?
Kiddo: Yep, she didn't use a template or ruler or anything.
Me: Very intricate.
Kiddo: Yeah, I guess she has a lot of time in prison to do stuff like this.
Me: Excuse me?
Kiddo: Her mom's in prison.
Me: What for?
Kiddo: Something to do with meth.
Captain: Hmmm, well....ummm...
Me: That sucks.
Kiddo: Yeah, pretty much.
*silence while we all stare at the drawing*
Me: Well, that is so nice of her mom to do that for you!
Captain: Totally! If I were in prison, I'd probably just make shanks and shivs and figure out how to make moonshine under my bunk.
Me: Drawing is way better than making shivs.
Captain: Probably not as lucrative though.
Me: But less stabby.
Captain: Good point.
Me: I know, right? Up top!
Kiddo: Okay, you guys aren't going to say that stuff when Marilyn comes over tonight, are you?
Captain: Of course we are. n't.
Kiddo: Wait. You are or you aren't?
Kiddo: Right what??
Captain: We are. n't.
Kiddo: Knock it off!
Me: No need to raise your voice, son.
Kiddo: Just give me a straight answer!
Captain: I already did. We totally are or are not.
Me: One or the other.
Kiddo: This is exactly why I never bring girls over here. *stomps upstairs*
Me: Holy shit. Prison art.
Captain: Maybe you shouldn't blog about this.
Me: I never said anything about blogging about it.
Me: Oh come on! Prison art!
Captain: He'll be so mad at you if he finds out.
Me: I won't tell him about it until he's in college. Then it'll be funny.
Captain: Maybe. Then again, maybe not.
Captain: Stop it. You are going to hell for laughing about this poor girl's misfortune.
Me: I know, I should stop.
Me: Hey honey...
Me: *whispering* Prison art!
A Lifetime Sentence
1 month ago