Friday, June 18, 2010

At Least I'll Be Warm When The Apocalypse Comes

The world must be coming to an end. That's the only explanation. Because last night? I bought a Snuggie.

In my own defense, it was for my Mom, not me. But still. I always laugh at those infomercials and says things like "the day I buy a snuggie is the day someone needs to punch me in the face."

Well punch away, baby. Because I had a coupon (probably because it's 105 degrees here today) and there they were, a huge stack of Snuggie boxes just daring me to buy one of them. Those Snuggies were all "Oh we see you, little missy...sneaking glances at us while you pretend to be interested in the knock-off perfumes" and I was all "I have no idea what you are talking about" and the Snuggies were all "You know you want to buy one of us...we're all warm and toasty" and I was all "No way! I'm way too awesome and sexy to buy you!" and the Snuggies were all "But you have elderly parents that would benefit so much from us...don't be selfish" and I was all "Well, that is true..." and the Snuggies were all "With your coupon, we'll only be $10" and I was all "Yeah I guess so..." and the Snuggies were all "You can't afford not to buy one of usssssss" and I was all "Ummmm, okay...maybe I'll just take a quick look" and the Snuggies were all "Yesssssssss, come closer to the Snuggie display..." and the next thing I know, I'm at the checkout with a motherfucking Snuggie box in my hand.

Here's the really sad part. I decided to try it on before I sent it to my Mom. I tried it on and guess what? Warm and toasty and comfy.

It was awesome. I loved it.

I decided to keep it.

Damn you, Snuggie empire! Damn you for turning me into one of those people that I make fun of. And no! I will so not use your fucking book light! I don't care that it came free with purchase! You can shove your book light up your ass, Snuggie empire!

Okay fine. I used the fucking book light. I was reading in bed last night and didn't want to disturb Captain Carl who was sleeping, so I broke down and clipped it to my book and turned off the overhead light because I'm such a good wife. Quit judging, you don't know me! I'm still just as cool as I was pre-Snuggie with free book light.

p.s. Does anyone know how much the clapper is?

p.p.s. What? It's for my mom. Shut up!


22 comments:

just making my way said...

My kid has a Snuggie knock-off - meaning, it's about the worst "blanket" material ever. That sucker attracts dog hair like nobodies business. Still, he loves it.

So, should we send you some Metamucil and Ben-Gay now?

Logical Libby said...

I have a Snuggie. I don't use it. It feels llike it's strangling me with it's softness.

Heather said...

Everytime I go to my grandmas house I use her snuggie because I figure second hand snuggie use isn't nearly as bad as owning one and shut up there isn't a study out yet that says it is so leave me alone.

Nina Patricia @ The Adventures of Nina Patricia said...

I'm pointing and laughing at you!...ok, I'll stop because I know you can beat me up with one boob and your hands tied.

oooooohhhhh Dirty.

OK, wayyyyy too much coffee today.

My Two Army Brats said...

If I'm ever in the mood for a snuggie I'll just turn my robe around and wear it backwards!! I hate Snuggie!!

Fragrant Liar said...

A Snuggie is something I can't use now because there's so much hype AGAINST it. Like it's a good idea, but you'd be so completely uncool if you got one and then actually wore it. Not that you are uncool. Not at all. In fact, I'm thinking you are flying in the face of common thinking about the Snuggie. You are a trailblazer. You are to be admired and revered.

So long as you're not wearing that Snuggie.

The Yak said...

Have you seen these takeoffs on the TV commercials? Careful watching a work -- you might snort.
http://theyak.blogspot.com/2010/06/now-snuggie-is-even-better.html

Didactic Pirate said...

We have one. I love it. I have no problem admitting it. If I could teach my classes while wearing one, I would. It would be a great way to get rid of that last smidgen of respect that's been getting in my way.

Kelly said...

I bought a Snuggie for my husband for Christmas because he was always complaining he was cold.

I didn't even get a kiss along with the screwing I got from whoever makes the Snuggie. Those cheap man-made fibers were so full of electricity my poor hubby would get shocked just sitting motionless.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I have a dog Snuggie. It was a gift. Pfft, like I would ever dress my dog in a Snuggie.

I do have a Yarmulka for Juanita though. Just for holidays. Totally different.

Gail said...

Wahahahaha! thats brilliant! :) its a human blankie, who would not use it? ok if we had them, I would so buy them!!!

AtYourCervix said...

At least you don't have a matching Snuggie for your cat.

Serious. A crazy cat lady at work has one for herself, and one for her cat.

nova said...

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Ed said...

I'm anti-Snuggie pro-Slanket.

It's a grassroots movement.

Joanna Jenkins said...

You are cracking up up. You MUST send a picture of yourself in the Snuggie to Kristina P for her blog. She's the Queen of Snuggies-- Seriously! Send her a picture-- http://www.kristinapblogs.com/

And the Clapper for your mom. now THAT'S funny.

Love you! jj

diane said...

Snuggie, book-light, clapper; what's next? You'll be pulling wheelies in the living room with your mobility scooter. Stop making that face, you probably already have one in your garage.

Moooooog35 said...

I accidentally bought a Sluggie.

So gross.

Creative Larceny said...

With zero demand for Snuggies after the apocalypse, the prices of Snuggies will accordingly plummet, allowing you to indulge even more. Gotta love Market Economics.

Megs said...

I don't understand the deal with the Snuggies. I already own a garment that allows me to be warm and keep my arms covered without having to get out from under the blanket. It is called my bathrobe, and it doesn't have to be pulled on over my head.

Also, those people in the commercial wearing one in public kind of make me want to stab things.

jenbm said...

What's good enough for baby should be good enough for you.
http://www.kidsbabydesign.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/baby-sleep-sack.jpg

I maintain this is just the tip of the iceberg--instead of becoming geriatric before your time, you are trying to recapture your youth and skyrocketd right past Forever 21 and went headfirst into the sleep sack.

(Hey, I'm not judging. If I could get away with wearing Robeez for Momz, don't you think I would? :)

Scooter said...

um did anyone notice the look on the ladies face in the top left hand corner? she toootally looks pained maybe because she doesnt have a snuggy?

DevilsHeaven said...

My husband has a snuggie. It was all sad and depressed because it was too short to cover his feet. He hasn't used it since.