Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I Am Officially The World's Greatest Role Model....UPDATED To Include Photographic Proof

A few weekends ago I was out of town on a photo shoot with a couple of friends. The job was to photograph the buildings on the campus of the college they had attended. I spent the day taking photographs and seeing the sights. Then it got dark and we went to dinner at a place all the locals love.

I had one drink. Okay, it was a huge drink. Okay, it was a huge drink with 5 different liquors in it. Okay, I had two of them. Whatever. My point is that I might have been somewhat tipsy when I decided that it would be a great idea to head back to campus and take some night photos. So that was how three grown women ended up dancing around in front of a camera on the square of a major university at 11pm at night. My 17 year old niece is considering attending this same college. This was something I thought of in the middle of our night shoot and decided to text her....

Me: Dude guess what???? I'm on the ___ campuus and I'm a tiny bit drunks!!
Her: Quit drunk dialing me you ho.
Me: Haaahaa! Uur hilaarous!!
Her: Go sleep it off loser!
Me: Im just gettingg started! All aboard the party train! Cchoo choo!
Her: B careful. Don't drink anything from strange guys & get date raped.
Me: Will du. Play on playa.

10 minutes later I texted her again.

Me: Hey Im gonna askk 4 the best place to hit a kegger. I let u know for next yr, k?
Her: Tell me ur kidding
Me: OMG some guy jst walked by w a bong in his hand!
Her: No way
Me: For reals! He prob knows where I can hit a ragin kegger
Her: Srsly, I'm concerned for ur safety
Me: Nah its alll good. Word to ur mom who is also my sister. Ha up top!

I'm pretty much the best and most responsible aunt ever, right? I should get an award for being such a great role model.

P.S. At some point in the evening some college kid drove up to us and asked if I wanted to take his picture and supposedly I said "You know it, hot stuff." and then I allegedly said "Hey, my friend here is 45 and single and ready to mingle. Awwww yeah" and possibly "Seriously dude, she can totally buy you beer. Call it trade." I have no recollection of any of this, but my friends swear that I did. Lying bitches.


See? I should be a guidance counselor or something.

23 comments:

Lindsey said...

Nice. Good effort pimping out your friend. Did it work for her?

KLaw said...

Oh. My. God. Best effing story evah!!

Harna said...

If my aunt text messaged me like that, I would probably hang out with her every weekend. I can't wait until my niece is older so I can do that. I'd do it now, but most 3-year-olds don't have cell phones. "Play on playa," HAHAHAHA!

Little Girl Big Glasses said...

I wish MY nieces called me ho.

Kurt said...

I was going to leave an awesome comment but then I saw the phrase "super vagina" out of the corner of my eye and now I can't remember what I was going to say. Probably "nice cans" or something.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I love that she expressed concern for your safety, and preceded it with "Srsly". Kids these days.

You're an awesome cougar pimp.

Houston said...

Awesome! I am verymuchhappy to see the beloved "Long Island Iced Tea" still has the ability to smash any brain cells into submission.

LOL

otherworldlyone said...

That's awesome.

My Aunt was the same way. Only with less cool wording. No "up top" stuff going on.

Pheromonally Gifted said...

LOL Hilarious post!

Cassie said...

Hilarious! Did you find that raging kegger?

Hippo Brigade said...

Dude, If I had a aunt who drunk texted me when I was 17 I think I'd me a much cooler person.

just making my way said...

Well, you are definitely my role model. Srsly.

Meadowlark said...

You're like the "Auntie Mame" of the 2000s.

Are you rich?

Mel Spillman artwork said...

Rock it sister!!!!

Prosy said...

you are like a superhero and also? I would totally invite you to my ragin' kegger.

miss. chief said...

I'll show you a kegger...in my pants!

what? sorry.

Tamis said...

Always looking out for your friends! I wanna be just like you when I grow up...drunk and LMAO!

erin said...

Happy Thanksgiving role model. I don't have any nieces or nephews. Or at least, I don't think that I do.

Jules said...

I think that is the BEST aunt BEHAVIOR ever! I took notes. My niece is 11. Should I start the drunk texting this year or wait until she's 13?

____j said...

The text messages are hilarious! But the pic just tops it off!

Anyway, just wanted to stop by and let you know you won! Check out my latest post to see what to do next.

Thanks Lady!!

Joanna Jenkins said...

You are cracking me up-- AGAIN!
Hope you had a fun holiday.
xo

kate said...

Sometimes my parents send me text messages like that and, I swear, it makes me love them more.

plo said...

I want to go with next time.