Friday, December 18, 2009

People Love Me. I'm Kind Of A Big Deal.

So Wednesday night was a pretty bad night for me. Marian the Librarian moved out in the early morning hours Wednesday and she asked Captain Carl if he wouldn't mind getting rid of some garbage for her. Just some stuff she didn't want anymore but didn't have time to dispose of. I suppose he thought she meant maybe four or five bags of junk and maybe a few boxes because he said yes.

Dudes. That crazy bitch left about 25 garbage bags of junk, 20 empty boxes and 15 pieces of furniture. I am not even shitting you. How she got all that crap in one little bedroom in the first place is beyond me. Turns out we had one of those crazy hoarding people living in our house and didn't know it. And here's a little bonus....she left a dirty litter box in there. A DIRTY litter box, y'all. It smells like a fucking pet store in there. And not a nice pet store. The kind of pet store that you walk into with your kids because la la la look how we're making happy family memories by visiting cute little puppies and kittens! and then suddenly it's a horror show of feces and urine and hair and yucky smells and your kids are screaming and you're gagging from the fumes and blam! there's your family memory, only it ain't happy.

So yeah...bad night. And yesterday morning I drove to work thinking about how much cleaning and dumping we were going to be doing this weekend and I was all frowny and grumpy and I just knew this day was going to suck. Then I got to work and checked my blog for comments, because I'm an attention whore and also a really shitty employee.

Dudes! I don't know what I did to deserve this (that's a lie...I do know what I did and that is be super awesome and sexy), but three of my all-time favorite bloggers decided to make today "Miss Yvonne Appreciation Day". No shit. Turns out Vic, Becky and Kurt got together (dirty? maybe.) and decided they would each write a blog post about little ole me. And they are all awesome, kick-ass posts and I am (kind of) humbled and (totally) appreciative because I pretty much wish I could write like they do every single time I read their blogs. I'm also completely jealous of how many followers and comments they get, because as I said before (in my last paragraph...keep up, loser) I am an attention whore and everytime I check my followers I make that drumroll sound with my tongue. Your mom taught me how to do that because she's a whore too, but in the literal sense.

*sigh*

Now that Kurt has said I'm super awesome at your mom jokes, I can't come up with a single good one. I think he jinxed me, which was probably his secret plan all along because that's exactly the kind of blogger he is. He uses his ridiculously handsome looks and his run-on sentences and love of all things dinosaur and skittles to distract you before he goes in for the kill. And now that my your mom skills have been disabled he's going think he's the king of your mom. But he's totally not because only one person can be the king and that person is your dad.

That's right. I just replaced your mom with your dad. Your dad is the new your mom.

No? Not working for you?

Shit.

Thanks a lot Kurt. I hope you and Beautiful Treasure and your dinosaurs are happy now.

Anyway, so I'm always checking Vic's blog to see if she has posted anything new because she is so cute and funny and I hate going weeks between new posts from her. Also she has a profile picture of herself wearing really huge sunglasses but when I first saw it I thought she had fly eyes. Go look at it...I'm telling you, fly eyes. Okay, I just went and looked again and really they look nothing like fly eyes and my mind probably just told me that because she's so damn cute and I was jealous of her non-double chin so I made up the fly eye thing to make myself feel better. My point is that I am honored that Vic took the time out of her very busy schedule to write about me and link to some of my own best posts. Vic, I heart you to infinity plus fly eyes.

And then there's Becky (remember the theme song to Maude? Classic). She has me literally laughing out loud (I know she loves that) with every post. I can't decide what I love most about her...she uses great swears, she's totally inappropriate, she makes fun of things other people are afraid to make fun of, she vlogs on days that she hasn't showered....so many awesome things. I've always loved Becky, but now I love her even more because she put boobies all over her blog for me today. Just because I left a comment once asking her to blog about me and to mention titties when she does it. And she did both. I think I'll ask her to send me money and vibrators next. You need to visit her blog today, just so you can see the man boobs picture.

Becky


+

Vic


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Kurt

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Me
=

BSGLAPHFF (Best Super Good Looking And Possibly Homosexual Friends Forever)

33 comments:

otherworldlyone said...

With the four of you ruling the blogosphere...great things can happen. Things with boobies and skittles and inappropriate touching.

This...is exciting.

Moooooog35 said...

"...it's a horror show of feces and urine and hair and yucky smells.."

No shit.

And all this time I thought I'd been living in a college dorm and it turns out it was a pet store the whole time.

I suppose that explains why I have kids that look like ferrets.

Logical Libby said...

Did you even know she had a cat?

Oh, and I'm totally doing this at work...

The Vegetable Assassin said...

You're like an interwebs celebrity or something cool like that!

And I'm down with your dad. Not YOUR dad, per se, just the idea of your dad. And not just because he is banging your mom. What?

The difference between an your mom and your dad joke would be, in most cases, your dad would enjoy it.

I...have just forgotten what the hell I'm talking about.

Sarah P said...

Must. Know. More. About. Hoarder!

Please, please, please post photos of the weird feces-covered sex toys you find and the flattened, deceased opossum family in the cracker box.

Heather said...

Of course everyone loves you. You make sexy look impossibly hawt. I gave you a little ol' award at my blog if you want it. It's nothing like those posts. They made me sweat with envy.

Jules said...

I was so f*cking admiring and jealous yesterday (yeah, that sentence makes sense) that I couldn't stand it! I kept going back and re-reading them and re-reading them! You totally deserve it because You DO write as well as them. Now I'm even more jealous. Except for the cat shit.

Secret Agent K said...

lmfao your blog makes me laugh lots (see I used laugh my fuckin ass off) cause I'm gay (not literally) and I like to shorten words for no reason.

Anyway, you deserve the love cause your awesome and your blog is hilarious and I totally sound like a stalker right now, shit...

Yay!

bikramyogachick said...

I feel like I'm back in high school working at the movie theater again and it was this big food web where everybody dated everybody.....cause I found Vic, then she led me to Becky, who in turn led me to Kurt, then the three of them did a threesome dirty thing that led me to you! I'm exhausted, need to go smoke (and I'm not a smoker!) It was good for me though, was it good for you?

Your blog is funny as hell! I'm glad to be a new follower!
p.s~ Kurt disabled your "your mom" jokes because even though he's so handsome, he's insecure and wanted to be the king of "your mom" jokes, but little does he know you'll come back with a vengeance in 2010!!

Kim said...

Maybe the librarian didn't have a cat and was just too lazy to walk down the hall.

I wonder what Kurt thinks of his super small picture?

Kurt said...

I hate how you picked the prettiest picture ever of Becky and then there's me all Black and White and brooding and 3 inches tall. I'm much taller in real life. In fact, however tall "handsome" is...that's my height.

"Your Dad" jokes don't work because we want to be sluts so bad it hurts our hearts sometimes.

kate said...

Oh, my God! I'm totally a blog-comment-attention-whore, too...except that I think you're much better at it than me since I only have 20-something followers and my last post only got one comment. Attention Whore FAIL.

Oh, and I totally check and write most of my blogs at work because I, too, am a fantastic employee.

Jaime Teele said...

A dirty litter box. Now that's pretty fucked up. I once had a room mate move out and the nasty slut left a used tampon in the corner of the room and then my other roommate's dog took off with it. I was just thankful I didn't have to pick it up.

www.acheetonamedlarry.com

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Um...you need to mention that I was making INTENTIONAL WONKEYE IN THAT PHOTO!!

INTENTIONAL WONKEYE!! INTENTIONAL!! Oh well, maybe I'll get some pity followers out of it. And maybe I'm gonna have to change the caption under your photo on my page from "Best drunk face ever" to "Miss Yvonne's prettiest smile".

I love how our photos are huge and Kurt's and Vic's are tiny. i know you're trying to say something lesby with that, I don't know what but i'll figure it out.

I love that Sarah P loves you so much. She's my favorite new follower of yours.

I'm sorry you had such a bad day and that Marian turned out to be such a twatbag, but I'm happy Miss Yvonne Appreciation Day came when it did then. Also, this comment section is cracking me up. I think I'm about reading to wrap up this comment and hit publish.

Vic said...

Don't be self-conscious about your beauty, Steamy. It would be boring if everyone was the same right? Well, maybe it would be boring if your eyes were the same too. Embrace your eyes.

Besides, why do you think I'm wearing the fly eyes? (How else can I hide the fact that I have NO EYES UNDER THERE??) I would kill for a giant picture of my wonky eye, is what I'm saying.

Kurt's picture has to stay little because otherwise all that potent handsomeness will leak out and destroy the world.

Miss Y, I heart you back, you sexy pirate wench. And good riddance to psycho Marian. You deserve way better than that.

Peggy said...

Love you Miss Yvonne! And congrats on whatever the fuck this whole thing was! :)

AtYourCervix said...

That drunk picture of you is priceless. Just priceless!!!

LiLu said...

It's so damn blog-cestuous.

And I love it.

Ed Adams said...

Well deserved.

You're worth it.

Congrats to you.

With friends like that, who needs your mom?

She wasn't that good anyway.

Nej said...

Checking in for the first time....via Vic's blog. Laughing my ass off at your posts, great work!!

Oh, oh, I'm follower 200!!! Do I get a free Christmas ham or something for that? :-) :-)

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

Blimey O'Riley, that room sounds like a nightmare. Especially the litter tray.

She did have a cat, right?

It *was* a cat that made the mess? :)

Tristachio said...

:( I want to be your BSGLAPHFF. Maybe all three of you can adopt me. I don't even care if you hate my like a red-headed step-child because I'm kind of red headed and it'd totally be okay if all of you threw meat cleavers at me because then atleast I'd be included in the love.

Mama Wheaton said...

I'm hooked - looking forward to you three ruling the universe/

just making my way said...

Miss Yvonne, you are the bestest drunken pirate wench evah! This is some great kind of lovefest and I'm just glad to be slightly a part of it!

Jocelyn said...

And now I'm here, thanks to The Cuteness That Is Vic, and I don't even smell like full litter box, so can I stay?

CatLadyLarew said...

Way to go, Miss Yvonne! You're in good company!

diane said...

26 comments already! Jeez! I can't possibly keep up, now that you're all popular and stuff.
FYI, that picture of you cracks me up every time now. I heart you. xo

Lulu said...

We all heart you and I would like to go on record as saying that I discovered you first, yo - ok, maybe second - and I can never ever compete or keep up with you! I just read Emo, Enchiladas and Suicide Girls and nominated you for POTY. Or Potty Girl. Whichever gets you into Harry's house first.

Little Ms Blogger said...

And...I heard you're an official judge for out-of-tune American Idol. You rock..

Okay, I'm going to gloss over the love fest because I can't get passed the hoarders that lived with you. Oh.My.God. That show grosses me out and 25 bags of garbage and left over kitty is GROSS..

Dawn said...

Seriously, I didn't know it was Miss Yvonne Day. I didn't get a card or an inter-offfice memo. 'Cause I totally would have written about how you make me laugh so hard that stuff squirts out of my nose. So now I'm sad that I missed it and I'm totally gonna punch my calendar in the nuts.

Mel Spillman artwork said...

Rock it sister!!!

The Jules said...

No.

No. No. No.

I haven't got time for another blog. Even if it's really good and funny, I just . . . can't . . . er . . .

Mweh.

I'm following.

Wotcher.

Shop with Me Mama said...

First time here, and I am LMAO!