So Wednesday night was a pretty bad night for me. Marian the Librarian moved out in the early morning hours Wednesday and she asked Captain Carl if he wouldn't mind getting rid of some garbage for her. Just some stuff she didn't want anymore but didn't have time to dispose of. I suppose he thought she meant maybe four or five bags of junk and maybe a few boxes because he said yes.
Dudes. That crazy bitch left about 25 garbage bags of junk, 20 empty boxes and 15 pieces of furniture. I am not even shitting you. How she got all that crap in one little bedroom in the first place is beyond me. Turns out we had one of those crazy hoarding people living in our house and didn't know it. And here's a little bonus....she left a dirty litter box in there. A DIRTY litter box, y'all. It smells like a fucking pet store in there. And not a nice pet store. The kind of pet store that you walk into with your kids because la la la look how we're making happy family memories by visiting cute little puppies and kittens! and then suddenly it's a horror show of feces and urine and hair and yucky smells and your kids are screaming and you're gagging from the fumes and blam! there's your family memory, only it ain't happy.
So yeah...bad night. And yesterday morning I drove to work thinking about how much cleaning and dumping we were going to be doing this weekend and I was all frowny and grumpy and I just knew this day was going to suck. Then I got to work and checked my blog for comments, because I'm an attention whore and also a really shitty employee.
Dudes! I don't know what I did to deserve this (that's a lie...I do know what I did and that is be super awesome and sexy), but three of my all-time favorite bloggers decided to make today "Miss Yvonne Appreciation Day". No shit. Turns out Vic, Becky and Kurt got together (dirty? maybe.) and decided they would each write a blog post about little ole me. And they are all awesome, kick-ass posts and I am (kind of) humbled and (totally) appreciative because I pretty much wish I could write like they do every single time I read their blogs. I'm also completely jealous of how many followers and comments they get, because as I said before (in my last paragraph...keep up, loser) I am an attention whore and everytime I check my followers I make that drumroll sound with my tongue. Your mom taught me how to do that because she's a whore too, but in the literal sense.
Now that Kurt has said I'm super awesome at your mom jokes, I can't come up with a single good one. I think he jinxed me, which was probably his secret plan all along because that's exactly the kind of blogger he is. He uses his ridiculously handsome looks and his run-on sentences and love of all things dinosaur and skittles to distract you before he goes in for the kill. And now that my your mom skills have been disabled he's going think he's the king of your mom. But he's totally not because only one person can be the king and that person is your dad.
That's right. I just replaced your mom with your dad. Your dad is the new your mom.
No? Not working for you?
Thanks a lot Kurt. I hope you and Beautiful Treasure and your dinosaurs are happy now.
Anyway, so I'm always checking Vic's blog to see if she has posted anything new because she is so cute and funny and I hate going weeks between new posts from her. Also she has a profile picture of herself wearing really huge sunglasses but when I first saw it I thought she had fly eyes. Go look at it...I'm telling you, fly eyes. Okay, I just went and looked again and really they look nothing like fly eyes and my mind probably just told me that because she's so damn cute and I was jealous of her non-double chin so I made up the fly eye thing to make myself feel better. My point is that I am honored that Vic took the time out of her very busy schedule to write about me and link to some of my own best posts. Vic, I heart you to infinity plus fly eyes.
And then there's Becky (remember the theme song to Maude? Classic). She has me literally laughing out loud (I know she loves that) with every post. I can't decide what I love most about her...she uses great swears, she's totally inappropriate, she makes fun of things other people are afraid to make fun of, she vlogs on days that she hasn't showered....so many awesome things. I've always loved Becky, but now I love her even more because she put boobies all over her blog for me today. Just because I left a comment once asking her to blog about me and to mention titties when she does it. And she did both. I think I'll ask her to send me money and vibrators next. You need to visit her blog today, just so you can see the man boobs picture.
BSGLAPHFF (Best Super Good Looking And Possibly Homosexual Friends Forever)