Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Murder Chair: It's A Good Thing

Okay, let's just start this by saying I'm not into modern decor. I like my furnishings to say "Hey, come over here and sink your ass into this big cushy chair. While you're at it, put your feet up on the ottoman and pull this fuzzy blanket over your cold tootsies. Don't mind the cat on your lap...think of her as your personal heater. By the way...are you thirsty? Cause here's a table with a cold drink on it, right next to you. Here, let me hand you the remote and let's watch The Mentalist while Captain Carl cooks us dinner in the kitchen."


So ummmmm....this chair probably wouldn't fit into my decor.

Yep, that is exactly what you think it is. A blood stain. On an armchair. It's there on purpose. Because it's chic. Or gross. You know, whichever. And it costs $5000. Because hand-embroidered faux blood stains are expensive, yo.

Anybody watch Dexter? I don't because we're poor and can't afford the movie channels. But I hear it's crazy awesome. The chair is a "Dexter chair"....based on the chairs the serial killer dude has in his dining room on the show. Hence the blood stains.

....I'm using the word "chair" a lot in this post. Weird.

Anyway, I think I love this chair. But it could never live in my house....a place filled with cats and teenagers and big, cushy worn-in furniture. I mean, the chair would get all the attention and my other furniture would be jealous. People would walk into my house and be all "Whoa, sweet murder chair!" and I'd be all "I know! Did you see my nice fuzzy couch over here?" and they'd be all "Meh. Hey! Can I sit on the murder chair???" and then my couch would be all "Screw you, bitch. I don't need this shit" and then it's cushion would conveniently slip to reveal my secret stash of chick porn the next time my mother-in-law came over for a visit. You know, in retaliation for the murder chair. Cause my couch is a bitter SOB.

So yeah, maybe no on the bloody murder furniture. It would be fun to put it out on the curb on trash day though, to freak out our nosy redneck neighbors. Fun until the cops show up and arrest me for faking a murder scene or whatever....oh well.

But! I am totally saving up to buy a set of these $600 Dexter murder plates.

How awesome would an over-easy egg look on that in the morning!


Traceytreasure said...

The chair is not worth %5,000!
CSI would hate it when the blood didn't glow with their high tech tools in the dark! Or is that a test for something else? I forget!

That chair doesn't even look comfy! It would be fun to see what Eco Nazi and Kool-aid thought about it though!


Traceytreasure said...

s/b $5,000 I'm typing in the dark...don't ask why!!

word verif:

Betsey Booms said...

So have I told you that I adore you?

Because I do. Maybe it's because my middle name is Yvonne... or that my sis and I were crazy Pee wee freaks...

all that aside, you're mind is frightening like mine.

The murder chair? Badass... Murder dishes - ugh.

Brandy Rose said...

Can you imagine a room full of the "Dexter" furniture and then how pissed off detectives would be if a murder actually happened in that room?