You know how when you come home from wherever you've been and after you shut the door, you lock it? Yeah, our roommates don't do that. They like to come home from flying kites or skipping through a field of wildflowers or whatever the fuck they do and leave the door unlocked between the hours of 1am and 5:30am. Way to make it easy for a serial killer to come in and kill me in my sleep, jerks. They might as well leave a big sign on the door that says "Don't have a key? No problem! Come on in! Feel free to rape and pillage to your hearts content!" And I know the Captain and I would be the only ones murdered because we sleep on the first floor and they are upstairs and will be able to hear my screams and escape before the serial killer can get to them which proves that Billy Joel was right when he said only the good die young and it's still rock and roll to me.
For awhile they were leaving the door unlocked when they left the house too, but that has stopped since I put a little sticky note next to the door that says "Hey a-holes, how about you lock up when you leave so all the burglars in the tri-county area can't get in and steal our crap, huh?" and then I drew a little arrow pointing towards the deadbolt. They picked up my subtle hinting fairly quickly, but I guess I need to put another sticky note right below that one that says "Also, it might kind of be important that the door is locked when you are INSIDE the house too. Just sayin'. Think about it." because I guess the first note didn't imply that locking the door is good from both sides. These are things I figured were common sense for people who drive cars and pay rent and write papers about stem cell research, but I guess not.
I think I need to email one of you with my blog login and password, so that you can update everyone after I've been murdered with an "Avenge Miss Yvonne's Death!" post, and then everyone will go all vigilante and form an angry virtual mob. I'm not really sure what a virtual mob can do....but this is not for me to worry about. Because I'll be dead. So it'll be up to you guys.
There is some good news though. Kool Aid got a retail job this week. This means that she is getting out on a somewhat regular basis now. Unfortunately, that leaves Eco Nazi alone and he spends all that time wandering aimlessly around our house. Dude seriously needs to get out because that's just not healthy and also because I want to shank him every time he walks in the room. I'm serious....Captain Carl gets all flinchy and nervous looking whenever I pick up a steak knife these days. He says he'd rather I didn't go to jail because he's really not into conjugal visits but I think it's because there wouldn't be anyone here to do his laundry if I did.
On Becoming My Grandmother
3 months ago