We went to my sister's on Sunday and the Kiddo drove. I cowered in the backseat whimpering and randomly shouting out things that seemed helpful in my brain but came out sounding more like "Gah!" and "Ooooh watch out!" and "That's too close!". This is why I never get to ride in the front when the Kiddo drives.
So there we are, traveling down the highway.
Me: Okay Kiddo, you are getting just a tad bit too close to that car in front of you.
Captain Carl: He's fine, be quiet.
Me: I'm trying to help him because his father is obviously not paying attention.
Captain Carl: I know exactly what he's doing, I'm watching him.
Me: That's weird, because I could swear you were looking out the side window just now.
Captain Carl: I'm not going to stare at him for the whole hour drive over.
Me: That is exactly what you should be doing!
Captain Carl: Pipe down back there.
Me: Don't tell me what to do, you're not the boss of me.
Captain Carl: Uh, I am the boss of you as a matter of fact. You even said so in our vows.
Me: Did not.
Captain Carl: Did so.
Me: Did not infinity.
Captain Carl: You said you would obey me.
Me: Your mom can obey me.
Captain Carl: *sigh*
Me: That's right! You've got nothin'!
Captain Carl: Settle down there, Edith.
Me: Kiddo, you are 7 miles over the speed limit! Slow down!
Captain Carl: That's it...you're getting the pimp fist.
The Kiddo: Would you guys shut up already?
We're just your average all-American family, aren't we?