The Captain is an avid reader and has a huge............vocabulary. Ahhh ha ha, you thought I was going to say something else there, right? Dirty.
He loves to use his huge vocab against me (that's what she said) by throwing words I've never heard of into a conversation. If I ask him what it means, he tells me to Google it and then laughs hysterically when he sees the look of horror on my face after I do. This is his favorite trick to play on me.
Last night the word was "felching".
I'm warning you now....if you don't already know what felching is, do not Google it if you are easily offended or at work. Seriously.
See? You can't say I didn't warn you, people.
The word he used before that one was "blumpkin".
I'm not stupid, so I know when the Captain is playing this trick on me. The reason it keeps working is because he knows I can't stand not knowing what the words mean and he refuses to tell me so I'm forced to look it up and be grossed out. But I always get back at him by jumping on him and twisting his nipples because he says he can't stand when I do that (but come on, I know he loves it because all men love that, right?). Either that, or I sing "My Humps" by Fergie to him over and over, which sounds like it would be really funny and awesome, but for some reason the Captain hates it. He says it's because he can only hear me sing "Ima get get get get you drunk get you love drunk off my humps" so many times before he wants to jump off the roof, which I totally don't get because those lyrics are pretty much like a window into my soul and I would think he'd like a glimpse in there once in a while, but apparently not.
Some of you might be wondering how in the hell Captain Carl knows what the meaning of these words are in the first place. He said to tell you that your mom showed him.
P.S. Thanks to my buddy Houston, who emailed me last night and told me to go to bed and buy pop tarts. I love it when people do what I say.