Friday, April 10, 2009

Makeup Sex And A Little Farting

That's a hot blog title, huh? My apologies in advance to all you pervs out there...there really isn't much in here about either of those things. Now go ahead and leave me a dirty'll save me the trouble of reading my soft-core porn book before bed tonight (I'll tell y'all about the book another time).

Captain Carl and I had a fight today. He went out to pick up some pizzas for dinner and while he was gone, Emo came over and begged me to let the Kiddo go to the mall. See, the Kiddo has been grounded for quite awhile do to some stupid choices and behavior a few weeks ago. He's been on total social lock down.

Emo is his best friend and knows he can come and go at our house as he pleases. So he strolled in today while I was doing dishes and his first tactic was to tell me "I'm here to kidnap your son and take him to the mall because it's not cool you won't let him go out". I just laughed and kept doing the dishes. Then the Kiddo suggested that Emo should try being sweet to me instead. And apparently Emo's idea of being sweet is to rub my shoulders inappropriately and say "Hey sweetie, how's about you let me take your kid to the mall, hmm?" I'm not even kidding. The Kiddo looked appalled and said "Dude, I said be sweet, not hit on her!"

I told Emo that I am way too old for him and I'm not really into boys that wear elbow-length striped knit gloves with the fingers cut off (would you expect anything less from a kid we call Emo?). Then because I am kind of a pushover, I made a deal with the Kiddo. I told him he could go to the mall in exchange for physical labor in the garden tomorrow. I was pretty sure Captain Carl wouldn't agree with me on this, but I did it anyway. Did I mention I'm a pushover?

Yep, the Captain was pissed when he got home for not discussing it with him first. After some arguing back and forth, I told the Captain in a huff that from now I would run everything by him and I was wrong for making a decision all by my little old self. Then I stopped talking.

The Captain stewed for about 30 minutes and then came over and got all huggy and kissy and apologized. I win!

Okay, I apologized too...and then the Captain said he loved me and I said I loved him and then he whispered in my ear "Now we can totally have hot makeup sex, right?" and I started giggling which made my boobs bounce and then the Captain starting tapping on them like they were bongo drums, which made him start giggling so then we're both giggling and then he farted.

We are soooo romantic. And totally mature. Obviously.


Lulu said...

Nothing says lovin' like farting foreplay!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Um...and then what happened, Miss Yvonne?

*chin on hands*

Miss Yvonne said...

Lulu: Yeah, that's how we roll, yo!

SMU, Kid: Then the Kiddo came home early because Emo got a flat tire...damn that kid, ruining our makeup sex plans!

Mandy's Kidding said...

I bet if you let Emo play your bewbies like bongo drums he wouldn't be so Emo.

Traceytreasure said...

I'm not going to leave you a dirty comment but I can't wait until you tell us more about your book! ;)
I think your deal with kiddo was a good one. Send him over when he's done with the social lock down. I have a ton of weeds.
I'm hoping you have lots of sex this weekend!!
Farting is funny, I don't care how old you are!!

Juggity, Jugs, Jugs!!

diane said...

You said fart. and boobs.

Since you are a pushover, do you let the dog stay in the room when you "do it"? Yeah, not a bright idea. Our dog thought cute hubby was hurting me and bit him.

Happy Easter. xo

Solanaceae said...

Farting is funny until DH pretends he is Peter Griffin and I hear "love the gas Meg" as the covers get fluffed! Ugh! It's no small wonder we have no kids! lol

erin said...

I guess I'm a total wet blanket but I don't think farting is very funny at all. So, because I'm such a buzz kill, fate or god or whoever decided to make my kids the gassiest kids in the history of the world. Three adorable girly girls fart more than any man I've ever met, and they all think it's hilarious. You'd think the novelty would have run out by now.

Kurt said...

This was like Gone with the Wind.

Ahhh? See what I did there? Fart Jokes are the canvass upon which I have painted my life's work.

Lotta said...

Love it. That's my kind of romance. Todd and I got in a big fight awhile back because he wouldn't fix something for me. So I told him he was f'ing fired and I was getting a handyman. Then we both laughed our asses off. But I think we forgot to fart and have makeup sex. Next time..

Sacred Yoli said...

You guys are HOT!