I'm talking about a high school band. That has gangs. Two gangs to be exact.
According to the Kiddo, some of the boys in band decided to start a gang because apparently even nerds want to be ballers. Spit-blowing, scale-playing super-nerd ballers, yo.
These two gangs are called...are you ready for this? The Bendettas and the Valentines. I'm not even kidding. So the Bendettas, which is the "gang" our brilliant son is a member of, wear blue shirts. Guess what color shirts the Valentines wear? Yep, they wear red.
It's not really clear what the real purpose is of these two gangs, except that once in awhile each gang will wear their "colors" to school and the Bendettas will slick their hair back ala the Italian mob. I'm not sure what the Valentines do with their hair, but I imagine it's equally awesome.
So picture this terrifying scene: Four band nerds wearing blue polo shirts and khaki pants with slicked back hair, walking down the hallway. Coming from the other direction are four different band nerds wearing red polo shirts and khakis. Everyone moves out of the way because they know a band war is fixin' to start. The eight nerds face off outside the band hall with fierce expressions on their pimply faces. A member from each side enters the empty space between each gang. From somewhere in the depths of the band hall, the "Beat It" instrumental begins to play on a french horn and the the nerds begin to circle each other. One of them pulls out a flute and the other a clarinet. A vicious play-off begins....
It's enough to make the hair stand up on the back of your neck, right?
So we asked the Kiddo tonight after his jazz band concert how someone gets invited to be in one of the uber-dork gangs. He said "Well first you have to be good" and I'm assuming he means good at playing your horn and not good at fitting in and making friends...because let's face it, we're talking about band kids here. And then he said "Then you have to steal a mascot". Apparently each section of the band has a stuffed animal mascot, and the gang members spend a lot of their time stealing them from each other. You know, just like the Crips and the Bloods.
I'm about ready to call in the local gang task force.