Friday, April 3, 2009

My Kid Is In A Band Gang

I'm talking about a high school band. That has gangs. Two gangs to be exact.

According to the Kiddo, some of the boys in band decided to start a gang because apparently even nerds want to be ballers. Spit-blowing, scale-playing super-nerd ballers, yo.

These two gangs are called...are you ready for this? The Bendettas and the Valentines. I'm not even kidding. So the Bendettas, which is the "gang" our brilliant son is a member of, wear blue shirts. Guess what color shirts the Valentines wear? Yep, they wear red.

It's not really clear what the real purpose is of these two gangs, except that once in awhile each gang will wear their "colors" to school and the Bendettas will slick their hair back ala the Italian mob. I'm not sure what the Valentines do with their hair, but I imagine it's equally awesome.

So picture this terrifying scene: Four band nerds wearing blue polo shirts and khaki pants with slicked back hair, walking down the hallway. Coming from the other direction are four different band nerds wearing red polo shirts and khakis. Everyone moves out of the way because they know a band war is fixin' to start. The eight nerds face off outside the band hall with fierce expressions on their pimply faces. A member from each side enters the empty space between each gang. From somewhere in the depths of the band hall, the "Beat It" instrumental begins to play on a french horn and the the nerds begin to circle each other. One of them pulls out a flute and the other a clarinet. A vicious play-off begins....

It's enough to make the hair stand up on the back of your neck, right?

So we asked the Kiddo tonight after his jazz band concert how someone gets invited to be in one of the uber-dork gangs. He said "Well first you have to be good" and I'm assuming he means good at playing your horn and not good at fitting in and making friends...because let's face it, we're talking about band kids here. And then he said "Then you have to steal a mascot". Apparently each section of the band has a stuffed animal mascot, and the gang members spend a lot of their time stealing them from each other. You know, just like the Crips and the Bloods.

I'm about ready to call in the local gang task force.

13 comments:

Traceytreasure said...

The nerds wearing red polo shirts and khakis could get part-time jobs at Target, in their spare time.

Sorry, it's been a long day.
Happy weekend!

Jugs!!

sour said...

hahaha "beat it" on the french horn.
i could totally picture that

Amy Kate said...

Wow. Just wow. I cannot wait until my kids do super dorky stuff. I love your kid, man, I sincerely do.
I'm thinking of the band geeks from high school and...my god, I wish they had formed band-gangs. I wonder if this is a widespread trend?

Amy Kate said...

Read the post to the hubs. Who asked if they call themselves a "bang" (band + gang, of course. Same man that wants to refer to all my blog friends as FROGS friend + blogs).

Anyway, also wants to know if they then become bangbangers or if there's a different term.

Mona Lott said...

I can't believe there's no rhythmic snapping... Tell me there is! I won't rest until they add this to their routine!

Dana's Brain said...

I think that is brilliant! Band gangs. You just gotta love the dorks, they are so cute.

Way cuter then Gang Bang, which I almost thought that said when I first clicked over!

Lulu said...

Actually...and I'm showing my age here...when I read this the theme music for West Side Story popped into my head and I expected the Bendettas and the Valentines to square off in a rumble with sawed-off kazoos....but your version is better. Cuz no one dies.

Vic said...

Pretty soon they're going to terrorize the whole school. And later, therapists will be encountering a wave of patients who have PTS whenever they see musical instruments. Or pocket protectors.

I was in band. All we had were stoners in the percussion section.

diane said...

You have sooooo got to try this: Google "high school band competition" and look under "images". Bradley High School Band is obviously focused on micro-mini plaid skirts, and Romeo meets Sesame Street. I know it's a little off the track, but I only went there in the first place because I thought there might be a better "gang" fashion option than polos with grease stains on the shoulders.

Maggie May said...

hahah!!!! classic.

Coastal Nest. said...

Right now Im just hoping that they dont "cancel band" next year, you know..its an expense...

Im praying for band geek friends, we start 7th grade with my oldest boy next year..hes not great in math..its either the geeks or the smokers
Your so funny..I craaaaved peewee when I was a 23 year old party hound. Now Im just a 43 year old party hound with no pee wee.-at least I found Ms Y ova heeeere

Kate said...

If the band had been cool enough to have gangs when I was in high school, I might have actually joined the band instead of making fun of them :)

Ladybug650 said...

Thank you Dana's Brian for admitting you also saw "Gang Bang" in the title. I started reading and then glanced back up to the title convinced I had really seen gang bang. Issues? Eh...

Word verification: Bonest