Thursday, May 7, 2009

I'm Still Sick So Don't Expect Anything Witty From Me, Okay?

My throat is on fire, y'all. And my left lymph node is all hurty and swollen and I keep pushing on it trying to get it to stop being so sticky outy. And I'm pretty sure I had a fever today because I've been sweating off and on for no reason. I mean, fat girls do that on a normal day...but it was worse than usual. Plus my eyes are still itchy and my eyelids are swollen for some reason so I look like my face is trying to eat my eyes.

The Kiddo had an academic achievement award ceremony tonight (snore) and because I'm the best stepmom on the fucking planet, I got out of my sick pajamas, put on a bra and outside clothes and sat in a gymnasium for 2 hours to watch my kid's five seconds of recognition. I spent the rest of the 2 hours making fun of the other teenagers as they walked across the floor to get their awards. I kept whispering things to Captain Carl like "I've seen at least ten Billy Dee Williams moustaches so far" and "Since when is it okay for 16 year old girls to wear tube tops to school functions?" and "Look at that kid...I've seen better heads on boils!". Yeah, I'm pretty proud of myself.

So I got my own award from miss. chief yesterday. It's not an academic achievement award, it's way better. So thanks miss. chief for recognizing how wonderful I am! It's about time someone did, damn it.

I'm passing this award on to Tracey at Green-Eyed Momster because she is just plain wonderful and she deserves it, yo. So "jugs" to you, Tracey!

Peace out nerds....


Betsey Booms said...

Okay, it is evident now that I am NOT your favorite blogger.

And while I can except that, it just hurts, Yvonne, it really does.
Especially because I had a dream that we met, and you were the real Miss Yvonne, crazy.

Also? Crazyman Jones say Peace out the other day, but it was more like...

Peedse ow.

Traceytreasure said...


Hope you feel better soon, Miss Yvonne! I can honestly say that I knew you when you first started your blog. I've been with you from the beginning and I hope that your blog will never end.

Thanks, Hugs, Jugs and love,

Logical Libby said...

The fact you but a bra on INSIDE your clothes is more than anyone should expect -- ever.

I am making you a fucking medal out of the fillings from lesser step mothers.

diane said...

That is one effing cool award, look how happy Stevie Wonder looks. If that award could talk, it would say "Miss Yvonne, you are so beautiful, with those swollen eyes and lumpy lymph node, I just have to sing a song for you." And then it would break into "You are the Apple of My Eye", but the words would be all rearranged and sound more like "You have an Apple in Your Eye", I'm getting all weepy just thinking about it.
Seriously, sucks that you're sick. Can't believe you went out like that, what are you still doing up, go back to bed. xo

erin said...

My oldest has an award today that I can't get to! My car's in the shitter. Permanently.
But it does mean a lot to kids when they're parents go to those things. My mom was always bogged down with a BILLION kids and my dad worked 12 hours a day 6 days a week so...I had a grandma there every once in awhile. And she'd always make some comment about my hygiene in front of teachers and friends. So good job! Best StepMom Ever!

Cassie said...

I'm sorry you're sick! But hey, I left you an award on my blog so maybe that will make you feel better :)