Monday, May 18, 2009

Your Own Personal Cheesus

So I heard a story on the news this morning that some lady found the image of Jesus in a cheeto. And she almost bit into it when she saw the little Jesus face, so she looked closer and she saw not only his face, but also his whole body. She named it Cheesus, which I'm pretty sure is sacrilegious but also hilarious. Then the news lady person said that most everyone will see the image of Jesus in an unassuming object at some point in their life.

I've started looking here in my cubelet this morning, but so far nothing. I thought for a minute I saw Jesus on the peel of my banana, but it turned out to be Christian Bale, which is close but not quite. So now I'm squinting and looking around the office because I figure if Jesus is going to appear to me on the surface of something, he's not gonna make it easy. I mean, think about how hard you have to work to get into heaven. You can't just stroll in, all breezy and whistly and be all "Yo Big J, whattup my brutha?". Because I'm pretty sure if you did, he would punch you in the mouth and you'd be all "Ow! What was that for?" and Jesus would be all "That was for laughing at all the jokes on Family Guy about me" and then you'd be all "Oh that. I'm sorry?" and then he would probably punch you again because too little too late, but he would do it with love because that's how he rolls.

So yeah, this image of Jesus is not gonna be easy to see. And what if it's not an image of the Easter Jesus, but the Baby Jesus instead? Did you ever think of that? Huh? No you did not. That's what I'm here point out important shit like this. You're welcome. So keep your eye out for swaddling clothes and mangers and lambs and if you happen to see the Virgin Mary, keep looking because I bet right behind her will be a Wise Man and how awesome would it be to be the first person to see the image of a Wise Man on a piece of toast? Very, that's how.

I'd like to conclude with a video a good friend sent me today that reminded me why Richard Simmons is probably the most under rated performer of our time. OF. OUR. TIME. PEOPLE.


Vic said...

I had a bag of Cheetos this weekend, but no Cheesus. *pout*

I'm keeping my eyes peeled today for swaddling clothes in my food.

Lana said...

can you sell the christian bale banana on ebay? there's got to be someone out there just like me (but with more money) who would pay for that.

Betsey Booms said...

First of all, love the DM reference.

Second? One time David Letterman made Richard Simmons cry and I quit watching David Letterman after that and vowed that I would punch him in the junk if I ever saw him and I'd be all, "yeah that was for Richard, you asshole."

And then? I'm only looking for zombie Jesus. I'm pretty sure I've got that on lock down.

Suburbia Steph said...

Damn! Why couldn't I be the one to find His holy cheezy goodness?

Mona Lott said...

That was freakin' hilarious!

Miss Yvonne said...

Vic: Ha ha, you said peeled. I don't know why that's funny, but it is.

Lana: I would love to sell my Bale Banana on ebay, but it's already getting brown and gross and starting to look more like Walter Mattheau.

Betsey: The title of this post is a shameless ploy to get your attention. And it worked. Yea me!

Suburbian Steph: I think you are confusing Jesus with the Pope...who never shows his face on cheesy snack chips. Apparently the pope thinks he's too good for cheetos. Jerk.

Mona: Your mom's hilarious!

Kate said...

I think I'd almost rather find Christian Bale in my food.

Kurt said...

When I eat junk food I never look before I bite. I'm lucky I still have fingertips most days.

Wow, that was awkward said...

Laughed at your Cheesus post and then cried laughing watching that video! Thanks for kick starting my Monday!!

Prosy said...

It's like grownup crazy religious Ispy!

Dana's Brain said...

Now I want Depeche Mode to change the lyrics of that song. I think it would only improve it.

I have to say - Richard Simmons is pure genius. Plus, isn't he like, 80 or something now??

Lindsay Champion said...

This whole Cheesus thing happened so long ago... didn't it? Either I am having serious deja vu or several months ago Cheesus was found in another bag of Cheetos...

lindsay ||</a

Miss Yvonne said...

Kate: What do you mean ALMOST??

Kurt: Especially cheetos because your fingers turn orange and it's hard to tell the difference. Am I right??

Wow: A big your welcome to ya!

Prosy: Exactly. Grownup crazy religious cheeto-rific ispy.

Dana: I don't know how old Richard is, but have you seen his calves?

Lindsay: I think it has happened before. Apparently Big J loves him some cheetos.

Little Ms Blogger said...

I'll pass for looking for Jesus in my food. I'd feel so wrong if I bit off his head - hasn't he suffered enough???

OMG the Richard Simmons clip was a riot! I bet his shorts will someday make a comeback and I didn't realize how funny he really is.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Where the hell is he still getting his Dolphin shorts?? I thought they stopped selling them in the 80's. I want a pair so bad.

Traceytreasure said...

I saw this on the news, like, 2 seconds before I read your post. I would have eaten it so fast! I'm sure I've eaten a million cheesuses or would it be cheesI?


Traceytreasure said...

I meant:


Prometheus said...

I have found two cheesuses


lol which one looks more convincing to you? And how much do you think it will go for in an auction?

Peggy said...

I've seen you commenting around and I usually laugh harder at your comments than the original post (shhh) I'm not sure what took me so long to get here...but TADA! You got me!

Thanks for the wise man tip. Maybe I'll find all three in a bag of Chex Mix! That'd be the shit on eBay!

beth said...

crazy funny! i did not know she named it "cheesus." i kinda hope i'm at the golden gates when she gets there so i can see what jesus thinks about being immortalized in fried, crunchy, cheeselike snack foods.
ps - this totally reminds me of the prayer scene in talladega nights..."my favorite jesus is the baby jesus"

Houston said...

OK, I was eating my grilled Jalepenos I made over the weekend and was totally SURE I saw Jesus in the cream cheese.

Then I realized it was Jim Caviezel.

Yeah, I know he LOOKED like Jesus and PLAYED Jesus in "The Passion of the Christ" but hey, he ain't the real thing.

BTW. Jim was delicious.