So I heard a story on the news this morning that some lady found the image of Jesus in a cheeto. And she almost bit into it when she saw the little Jesus face, so she looked closer and she saw not only his face, but also his whole body. She named it Cheesus, which I'm pretty sure is sacrilegious but also hilarious. Then the news lady person said that most everyone will see the image of Jesus in an unassuming object at some point in their life.
I've started looking here in my cubelet this morning, but so far nothing. I thought for a minute I saw Jesus on the peel of my banana, but it turned out to be Christian Bale, which is close but not quite. So now I'm squinting and looking around the office because I figure if Jesus is going to appear to me on the surface of something, he's not gonna make it easy. I mean, think about how hard you have to work to get into heaven. You can't just stroll in, all breezy and whistly and be all "Yo Big J, whattup my brutha?". Because I'm pretty sure if you did, he would punch you in the mouth and you'd be all "Ow! What was that for?" and Jesus would be all "That was for laughing at all the jokes on Family Guy about me" and then you'd be all "Oh that. I'm sorry?" and then he would probably punch you again because too little too late, but he would do it with love because that's how he rolls.
So yeah, this image of Jesus is not gonna be easy to see. And what if it's not an image of the Easter Jesus, but the Baby Jesus instead? Did you ever think of that? Huh? No you did not. That's what I'm here for...to point out important shit like this. You're welcome. So keep your eye out for swaddling clothes and mangers and lambs and if you happen to see the Virgin Mary, keep looking because I bet right behind her will be a Wise Man and how awesome would it be to be the first person to see the image of a Wise Man on a piece of toast? Very, that's how.
I'd like to conclude with a video a good friend sent me today that reminded me why Richard Simmons is probably the most under rated performer of our time. OF. OUR. TIME. PEOPLE.
On Becoming My Grandmother
3 months ago