Captain Carl is visiting his parents for a few days and he's been spending lots of quality time with his dad, Ward. Yesterday they sat out in the yard watching the squirrels. Yep, you heard me. Squirrels.
Today they went fishing and let me tell you....the Captain earned his name. He called me tonight and told me to check my email because I was about to see something amazing.
This is the Captain's catfish.
It was so big (that's what she said), it wouldn't fit into the basket. When I opened this picture, I thought it was a baby seal at first and I was all "Why are you killing baby seals?" and Captain Carl was all "Huh?" and I was all "Wait, how do baby seals live in ponds in the middle of Texas? Is that even possible?" and he was all "That's a catfish" and I was all "Ohmygod, maybe it's a cross-hybrid baby seal-fish!" and he was all "I hate when you do this" and I was all "I'm totally sending your baby seal-fish picture to Unsolved Mysteries" and he was all "We're eating the baby seal-fish tonight" and I was all "Poor Fred" and he was all "Who the hell is Fred?" and I was all "Fred is the baby seal-fish you so mercilessly slaughtered. I named him so that you wouldn't forget what you have done on this day" and he was all "Okay, gotta go...Fred's gettin' fried up even as we speak."
That is one huge mutha lovin' baby seal-fish.
Look at all those fillets.
I am so turned on right now.
Just kidding. Kind of.
And now I'm off to bed to fantasize about my big studly fisherman and also about how close we are getting to the renters moving out. Twenty days and counting, bitches! I don't know if I can make it that long without judo chopping one of them in the trachea. If I never see another Totino's pizza again in my life, I could die a happy woman.
On Becoming My Grandmother
2 months ago