This.
It's my giveaway prize from Lulu.
She even wrapped it.
You know what else is awesome? Lulu's collage.
It's a clown. Clowns are creepy. I didn't tell Lulu I've been afraid of clowns since I was three years old because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. So I was all "Oh awesome, a clown!!" and I decided right there I was going to put it face down in the closet after I twirled it around a few times so it couldn't find it's way into my room at night and kill me.
And then I unwrapped the collage and I was all "awwww!" and decided this clown is too dang cute to be scary. And besides, it really looks more like a miming minstrel than a clown.
See? Cute little miming minstrel.
I hung it right in the kitchen nook, where I can look at it every night at dinner. Thanks Lulu!!
And then yesterday I got another package in the mail, this time from Tracey.
She sent me all these goodies. Just because. And she put a card in the package that said "thanks for letting me do this for you". She's pretty awesome, huh?
See that stuff that says CALM?
Yeah, I need that stuff. A lot. You'll see why in a minute.
Okay, so you know what is NOT awesome?
This.
And this.
And also this.
My kid backed his Explorer into a parked trailer and then proceeded to slide all the way down the side of it.
He's had that car for less than a month.
Motherfucker!
Two hours after Captain Carl and I blew our collective lids, we had a little conversation....
Me: You understand why we are so upset, right?
Kiddo: Yep.
Me: This is going to cost you a lot of money.
Kiddo: Yep. But it's okay. You know why?
Me: Why?
Kiddo: Because I'm awesome. Everyone thinks I am.
Me: I really don't think you are awesome right now.
Kiddo: Yes you do!
Captain Carl: The hell we do.
Kiddo: You think I'm awesome because you love me.
Me: We HAVE to love you, even when you do something stupid. We are not required to think you are awesome.
Kiddo: But you do anyway because you can't help yourselves. That's the power of the awesome.
And then I had to start ignoring him, because it's kind of frowned upon in polite society to kick your own kid in the kidney.
I don't know where he learns this shit.
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24 comments:
Clearly he didn't hear the initial impact over the sound of his awesomeness, or he wouldn't have slid down the whole trailer. God. Things to look forward to, I guess.
Hey, my word ver is "goprom". How funny.
Our son hit a brand new Audi. It was probably the ONLY.ONE.IN.TOWN! Don't worry, our insurance only went up $130.00 a month. He pays for it too.
I think it's time for Awesome Kiddo to start working and not just working out!!
I know just how you feel. I guess we have to remember that in both of our son's cases, no one was hurt (from the accident, anyway!)
:)
Joking! It only hurt our son in his wallet. Sometimes, that's worse than any other kind of pain!
See, you need the Positive Thoughts and Calms!! Sorry that I didn't wrap anything! Lulu ROCKS!!
Super, duper, big hugs and jugs!!
I totaled a car once...I wish I had known about the "too much awesome" defense while my dad was ripping me a new asshole.
Ah, I hit a school bus at his age.
You know what sucks? That no one ever sends me anything. And if you have you haven't noticed, I'm pretty freaking awesome.
Oooh, my word ver is resewit... which fits me perfectly. Awww.
He makes a good argument. Awesome fixes everything. Trust me. I totally know.
I don't understand. I am new here. Are we supposed to send you presents and stuff? Is that how it works? How do I get on that train?
Your son should be a politician.
I hate clowns. They should be sent to an island, a short canoe ride away from an island of mimes. They can invite each other over on weekends and creep the shit out of each other.
Accident's are not awesome. They're scary and not cool.
But cute minstrel clowns are awesome. As are your boots in that photo.
I hate clowns too, my Grandmother came over to my house on my third or fourth Birthday dressed up like one and scared the SHIT outta me!
But this one looks French, which just isn't very threatening. *snicker*
I did not have his balls at that age. He MUST be awesome!
I don't know what I love more - the fact that your son knows he's awesome, or the fact that he stated you do as well.
ok i randomly came across your blog b/c i just released an iPhone app called Yo Mama (http://www.yomamaapp.com) and this blog is HILARIOUS. tks for the laugh :) jen
Your son is a bad boy ... and hilarious.
OK, so just breathe in and think to yourself...
"WWCJD?"
(What Would Cheeto Jesus Do)
I am so awesome. It took me all afternoon to think of that, run in from the drive home and post this comment.
Maybe I'm not awesome, actually I am pretty sure I suck.
You have to admit, the Cheetos Jesus thing is funny though.
Right?
what a dick your kid is, because he's right. you have to love him and he is probably awesome, even after he did that to the car.
Will you let me know if those Positive Thoughts pills work? I'm on kind of a Debbie Downer kick lately.
Drag about the car. Sorry your kid is so awesome - that could get kind of annoying I would think!
Excellent gifts! (I love the wrapping paper Lulu!)
Ouch. Those pictures of what used to be a whole car are painful. Is there any way to keep my daughter from turning fifteen?
If my kid did that, I would probably tell him that well if he's so awesome then maybe he would like to sit in a secluded room while I make him watch reruns of "Blossom" for 24 hours straight? Because I'm pretty sure they said the word 'awesome' about 39 times an episode and also it would just KILL him.
"We HAVE to love you"
LOL this made me laugh. I can't believe you said that to your child lol...
Gaw Daym, you major scored! I'ma have to stalk this "Lulu" person.
By the way, your kid is awesome. Sorry.
In the same time span we both posted a blog post that was about the word awesome. You know what this means? Blog Style Duel to the Death!
OMG that majorly is not awesome, but your kid obviously gets his sense of humour from you!! I just found your blog and think it's hilarious!
http://fab.typepad.com
Effing kids! I swear.
I'm drooling over the contorsionist pin, it is too f*cking fab for words.
You are right, that is not a clown, it is a french mime. I love them, as opposed to clowns, which I would not hesitate to clock at 90 miles an hour if I ever saw one in the street.
Ok, ummmm peeps? I gave Miss Y her choice from the Amuse Series....so she PICKED the non-scary French mime Poppy collage. She said that Captain Carl picked and I was all - ok, well then - I'm sending Poppy off for adoption. Into that soon to be, Eco-Nazi-free zone.
But I'd be happy to do an exchange :)
BTW Tracey - When our daughter was 16 and we still had nice cars - she 'borrowed' our new Audi and did exactly the same thing - backed out of the driveway at a friend's house and scraped allll the way along the parked car. Sitting there in plain sight. She's only alive because her younger sister begged on her behalf.
And we gave up on nice cars.
Hey Lulu...I was just kidding about the creepy clown thing!! Oh, and wore the button on my sweater yesterday and the girls at work thought it was adorable, so I said "If you like this, you should see the creepy clown she sent me!" and then I was all "except it's not creepy at all" and they believed me. So you should too.
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