Saturday, May 2, 2009

Turn Out The Lights, The Party's Over

The roommates are moving out at the end of the month. Their leases are up and they've all decided not to stay. I don't know why, seeing how we all got along so wonderfully and I was totally like a den mother and everyone loved us and I will miss them so much.

Or not.

I would totally be celebrating right now if we didn't need the rent money. I'm torn between being happy and being freaked out, so I thought it would help to make a pro and con list about Eco Nazi, Kool Aid and Bambi.

  • Dirt tracked into my house on a daily basis
  • Nasty dishes left in the sink for four days straight
  • Never having a fucking spoon to eat off because apparently they are hording them upstairs.
  • Lots of garbage and recycling that never gets taken out because apparently we are their maids
  • Mopeds everywhere
  • My upstairs shower drain getting clogged up every two days from their gross hair
  • Stupid questions like "Whatcha doin'?" and "Why you doin' that?" and "Hey guess what?"
  • A cat being locked up in one of the bedrooms with a litter box that never gets cleaned
  • Feeling my IQ dropping every time I have to listen to them talk to each other
  • Finding unwashed hairs on a plate....after I've eaten off it
  • Huge loads of laundry sitting in the washer for days at a time
  • Being a raging bitch all the time

Okay, I'm pretty much that last one anyway so maybe it shouldn't count.

  • Their money
  • The blogging material they give me

Hmmmm...I don't really feel any better.

We'll only have a few more weeks with the Wonder Twins and Sister Airhead. They paid their last month of rent today and now the Captain and I have to hustle to find new renters by June. The scary part is we will have to show prospective renters their rooms...while the idiots are still living in them.



Suburbia Steph said...

OMG - I couldn't do it! A cat box shut off in the room & they don't clean it! Hairs on your plates!?!? Blech!

Yeah, I'd be a raging bitch throwing shit fits on a daily basis fo sho!

Solanaceae said...

We own a rental unit and I thought that was the end all be all of bad. I can't even begin to imagine letting strangers move into my personal space. Damn. Sending good thoughts your way! Too bad you don't live out my way, you'd have no problem finding boarders in June, that is prime switch-over month here.

Traceytreasure said...

Good Gawd, woman!
I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this.
I have my fingers crossed for Captain Carl and new employment opportunities! I hope you never have to have renters again. How can you show their rooms?
Can't you rent our your garage or something like that?


diane said...

Yvonne the fairest one of all,
Do you have any photos of the space before your renter's moved in?
Make sure your renters know when prospective renters are coming to view, and demand that they clean up their space.
Have a pie baking in the oven when you show the space; it makes the whole house smell great. This trick got me my asking price when I sold my first house. Also, turn on every little lamp for effective soft lighting, and have really good jazz music playing. They'll think they are so lucky to be able to rent such a cool place, I swear.

Janine said...

Obviously you are the perfect den mother.

I would have so killed them by now.

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diane said...

Hey Yvonne, I didn't know you spoke Chinese.

Mona Lott said...

Oh man! May the force be with you?!

Hopefully this time you'll get some nice, clean quasi-normal people. OR DRAG QUEENS!!!! Best roommates EVAHER! (and they'll do your make-up and make Captain wear turquoise, and and and it'll be GREAT!)

Lulu said...

Yes, I'm talking loudly because that idea is inspired! Along with Diane's comments,,,,whta else would lure the Drag Queens in!?

MissY - you will get more renters - June is a prime rental time. Is there a college close by? Sometimes grad students only need three months in the summer to finish a course, and it's tough to find three-month rentals.. that's only a short-term move until you clearly find some really great long-term rentals.

Who will also be funny.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

You get the best spam ever.

Suburbia Steph said...

Miss Yvonne,

Have y'all considered looking for renters that like to hand out in the Cedar Springs/Oak Lawn areas?

At least you'll know they'll keep their rooms nice & tidy!! :)

Mona Lott said...


@LuLu: I've been trying to think of how best to attract them all morning! We could try playing some Cher remixes really loudly, and leaving really large high heels like a trail of breadcrumbs to the door?

It's hard, usually we just find eachother while out and about, I've never given much thought to how we wind up in the same place at the same time- but often it has to do with big shoes:D

Houston said...

Congratulations... I'm sorry?

I am trying to be conflicted for you. Would it help if I cam e over and just started hanging out? We could tell the renters you have sub-leased their closets or something to get them to leave early so you can show the room.

Is your place like a bed and breakfast without the breakfast?

Miss Yvonne said...

Great ideas everyone! I soooo need Drag Queen roommates, yo. Or just plain old gay men...I know they'd at least wash their sheets and wipe down the counters after they cook.

P.S. I'm totally translating that comment by sexy and I bet it says something awesome like "Your mom turns out the lights".