Monday, May 4, 2009

My Flesh Eating Plants Will Kick Your Ass

Hurrah! My prize arrived in the mail today from Steam Me Up, Kid! I got home from work and the package was sitting on the counter and I got all jumpy and clappy like I'm prone to do and then I ripped that mother open.

Behold, my major award.


It's a terrarium with beastly carnivorous plant seeds included. Hells ya!

I pulled it out right away (that's what she said) because I could not wait to get this party started.

The terrarium is pretty much klassy with a k, people.


It seemed kind of weird to me, but it smelled a lot like a gynecologist's office.

And then I noticed this.


The hell??? I do believe that is a purple clam.

And this thing came with a baggie full of drugs of some kind.


I snorted two of them before reading that they are actually Venus Flytrap seeds. Venus Flytrap? Come on guy-who-names-plants! How much more blatant can you be? Please. I bet you really wanted to name them "vagina penis trappers" but you didn't have the balls to go through with it so you came up with this clever substitute.

Anyway...I got the vagina penis trapper seeds all snug in their little terrarium and now I just have to sit back and wait for them to grow and turn into vicious flesh-eating killers.

I can't wait!



Steamy included a little note for me and added this sweet postscript...



Awwww.....olive juice you too, Steamy.

20 comments:

BlondieLox said...

awesome! can you feed 'em hamburger? how 'bout a meatball on a toothpick??

Traceytreasure said...

You have to be sure to include "My FLESH EATING PLANTS will kick your ASS" in the ad for the new renters!!

Jugs!!

Janine said...

hysterical. please post more pics with comments.

"vagina penis trappers" oh, c'mon we're all proud of ours!!

Coastal Nest. said...

Sweet Jesus,
like I said..the shit that goes on around here.....

my word verification..normange..
hmmmm.maybe that could be the plants name..

Vic said...

Nothing makes a home like plants. Especially ones that are all genital-y.

I can't wait to see that purple clam grow and grow. Do you have cats?

diane said...

I got through the entire post before I realized that you don't have flesh eating pants. (I've got that same angel)

word ver. - shmed, yiddish for snortable seeds.

Lindsey said...

Wait? You inhaled the vagina penis trappers? Now what will happen?

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Yay! Wait, gynecologist's office? I smell like rubber gloves and lube? yeah. That makes sense.

I'm embarrassed about that boob drawing. What's up with my nipple placement? Come on, Steamy!! You're better than that!! Jeez!!

erin said...

Hooray for Prizes! I'm still waiting for my prize for not doing anything at all. Just sitting here, eating some strawberries, drinking some coffee...listening to the kids fending for themselves out in the vast wilderness of our gameroom.

Miss Yvonne said...

BlondieLox: I think I'm going to feed mine hot dogs.

Tracey: That is the most brilliant idea ever. I'm sure we'll get renters in no time!

Janine: I know I am.

Coastal Nest: Normange is an excellent hot-dog-eating-plant name.

Vic: Ummm, yes I do have cats. Is this a trick question?

diane: Haaaaa! Hmmmm...flesh eating pants. I wonder if I could invent those?

Lindsay: I'll probably grow a second vagina in my nose.

SMU, Kid: No, not latex smell...vagina smell. I was trying to be all cute and winky by linking to your post where you told me there would be a special surprise in the terrarium. Obviously it didn't work.

erin: If there was a prize for just sitting there, I would totally give it to you.

Kate said...

I am so horrible at taking care of plants that I once killed a venus fly trap...seriously, I killed a plant that FEEDS ITSELF. I should get some kind of shrubbery-murder award for that shit.

Scandalous Housewife said...

Oh Miss Yvonne! Love the Vagina Penis Trapper. Gotta get me one of those...

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I know, Miss Y! I was trying to be all cute and winky too by playing dumb about my vagina smell. Your cute winky worked, mine failed. *sigh*

I should have just said something about my purple clam and how snarly she gets when she feels neglected.

Kurt said...

I like Steamy's PS. Makes me think of delicious pancakes with butter sliding off them. I really need to stop commenting when I'm hungry.

PS: Boobs are awesome. <--super-masculine and now I'm high-fiving myself and shouting Boo-Ya!

Anna Russell said...

Drugs, that fresh OBGYN smell and vagina penis trappers all in one package? You are one lucky lady.

Nikki said...

I want a penis eating plant too! Oh... wait... nevermind

Lindsay Champion said...

Definitely feed it meat. They will actually die if you don't feed them lots of meat. And you should play the "Little Shop of Horrors" soundtrack for it while you are away from home to make it feel better. Thanks for all the great pictures, your posts always make me laugh so much.

lindsay || newyorkwords.net

Trixie Buxom said...

Have you ever seen that movie Teeth about the girl who basically really and truly HAS a vagina penis trapper??!?!? I shit you not. I was trying so hard to grom teeth in my who-haa for days and days....

Tasha said...

Hhaha! Totally bitchin!

Btw, you are the FUNNIEST blog commentor on the face of this earth! Seriously.

Love them- so thanks! :)

Tasha said...

P.S. And keep that plant shit away from me! I'll sick my tube-fed cat on you!