Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Captain Carl's Foaming Pipe Snake

My husband, Captain Carl, is back with another awesome guest post.....

Ok so I'm back for more after my awesome Gilligan's Island redux about the roomies.

Miss Yvonne and I were watching TV the other night, I think it was NOVA or Ovation. It was something about Ghandi, The World Economic Meltdowns or the Crisis in the middle east.. As you know we are incredibly cultured and enjoy fine programs and films (don't you hate people who insist on calling it a film) and....wait no, it was “World's Dumbest Exploding Ultimate Fighter Smackdowns”

Anyway we see this: A commercial for Liquid Plumr Foaming Pipe Snake – a heat seaking missile for your clog. I'm not sure what rocket scientist named this product or came up with the tag line, but he/she is not familiar with something called the ol' double entendre or the entire musical catalog of David Coverdale's Whitesnake.

Tangent - Tawny Kitaen flashback! Remember back when MTV had videos? I loved the one for Here I go Again featuring Tawny frolicking on the hood... Grr baby very Grrr.... Miss Yvonne still refuses to dress in her skimpy, white, naughty wear and straddle the family sedan.. sigh. Maybe if I buy her that Seafoam Thunderbird convertible, I'd get more action.So back to the commercial – After we both stopped giggling like 8 year old boys at a fart contest, I blurted out that it sounds like the title of a bad rap song or maybe something by Wu Tang Clan. So I've been working on this a couple of days. I was going to rewrite the lyrics to a rap song and then it occurred to me. I don't know any “current” rap songs and I couldn't get it to work with Rapper's Delight or It's Tricky to Rock a Rhyme so.... It's a KISS song instead. (We're both huge Paul Rudd fans and recently watched Role Models) If you have the chance, are a child of the 70's/80's, have a sick sense of humor, check it out. Lot's of Kiss humor.

Cap'n Carl's – Foaming Pipe Snake
to the tune Love Gun as popularized by Kiss way back in 77' damn I feel old....

Yo really clogged there baby

I know what you need

you know together, we can

Get unstuck

got a hot missile, baby

for your clog

Girl, I can make you feel


No place for hair now baby (that's what she said)

so have some fun

You shake the tube up of my

pipe snake, (my foamin), pipe snake

pipe snake, (my foamin), pipe snake

Foam fills your pipe now baby

Your clog is gone

No other snake is more


Activated on contact

I'll do the rest

Deep clearing foam

You're flushed

No place for hair now baby (that's what she said)

so have some fun

You shake the tube up of my

pipe snake, (my foamin), pipe snake

pipe snake, (my foamin), pipe snake

pipe snake, pipe snake

pipe snake, (my foamin), pipe snake

pipe snake, (my foamin)

pipe snake, (my foamin), pipe snake

pipe snake, (my foamin), pipe snake

pipe snake, (my foamin)

pipe snake, (my foamin)

pipe snake, (my foamin)

pipe snake

Yep, I bet the good folks over at Clorox hire me to write their ads in the future.....


Kurt said...

I vote for this to be the new national anthem, and that we should have a Tawny Kitaen Day where all women are required to slither around on something seductively. Unless they are gross. Then they can just have the day off. Because I believe in equal rights.

Ladybug650 said...

Rock on Captain Carl!

Word verification: barboom
I think that's what happens when you're at the bar and you have too many and you fall down, go boom.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Heat seeking missile...genius. War and sex all rolled into one, as it should be.

That tagline really speaks to women. When I'm feeling randy, I totally think to myself, I wish I had something to go all pew!pew!pew! into my lady parts.

Betsey Booms said...

It's Tricky - You're filled with grime...

It's Tricky - You're clogged with slime.


Scandalous Housewife said...

Hmmmmm, I don't know Cpt. I think I would have preferred you went with Poison's 'Every rose has it's thorn', replacing rose and thorn with drain/clog, respectively...
And if you and the Mrs. both were wearing Hanna Montana wigs with a bandana tied around the top, suh-weeeet music!

Anonymous said...

Liquid Plumber rotted out my pipes & ultimately I had to have them all replaced to the tune of almost 4 grand(not all LP fault since I live in a 100+ yr old home, some were just old).
Isn't Tawny Kitaen about 100 now?
feelOpenNo makes me think of : Feel up Oprah. (shudder)~Mary

Chris said...

Tawney Kitten! Meowwwwww grrrrr.

Where's my foamin pipe snake when I need it?

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Yes, go for the T-Bird and sing this song as you present it to her in the driveway.

I'm sure you'll get lucky WAY more often.

Lindsay Champion said...

Hahahaha that was great! But I have to tell you, the foaming pipe snake doesn't do crap, literally. If you want some good flushing action, go for this thing.

lindsay ||

Aimee said...

Perhaps Yo Mama might be more interested in skimpy and straddling if foreplay didn't include watching NOVA?! lol

I'd be asleep in like 3.5 seconds.