The Kiddo leaves today for his band trip to Disney World and he was so excited last night thinking about all the band nerd stuff he'll being doing for 4 days straight, he could barely concentrate on his final homework assignment due today before he leaves. It was for his world history class and he was instructed to draw a political cartoon about the Treaty of Versailles. So in preparation for this daunting task, he sat on the couch and watched tv for about 45 minutes and then wandered aimlessly around the house for an hour after that. Every time he'd walk into the room I'd ask him, "Have you done your homework? Have you finished packing for your trip?" and then he would turn around and walk back upstairs to make it look like he was going to do one or both of those things, only to walk back in a few minutes later.
Finally around 9:00pm, he gets down to business and grabs his backpack. The Captain asks him if he knows what he's going to draw, to which the Kiddo replies "Meh" and goes upstairs. I yell after him that we want to see his cartoon when he's done. 15 minutes later, he comes down with a notepad in his hand and big grin on his face. He hands his notepad to the Captain and says "Prepare to be impressed". The Captain stares at it for about 30 seconds, then says only "Huh" and hands it back to the Kiddo. I can hardly wait to see the masterpiece that struck my husband speechless. The Kiddo hands the notepad to me and I am amazed that this child did not come from my womb because clearly he has inherited my super smart brains.
On one side of the paper, there is a time machine that has buttons that say "World War I", "Treaty of Versailles" and "World War II". Inside the time machine is Hitler, and I know it's him because of the little mustache and bulging muscles. Because as everyone knows, Hitler was ripped. He is also saying "I hope nothing bad happens....I wouldn't want to have to seek vengeance or anything...." On the other side of the paper, there's a man with glasses and shirt with a nametag that says "Wilson" and he is saying "Don't forget these!" and then there are a bunch of twirly arrows pointing towards the time machine, with the last one saying "14 Points". I totally didn't understand what any of that meant. So I asked him to explain.
Me: What are you trying to say in this cartoon?
Kiddo: That Hitler is in a time machine.
Me: Ummm, okay. But why did you draw a time machine?
Kiddo: Why WOULDN'T I draw a time machine?? Why aren't YOU drawing a time machine?
Me: Good point.
And then we laughed hysterically for like 5 minutes in appreciation of our fantastic senses of humor. And Captain Carl laughed with us for about the first minute. After that, he stopped laughing and kind of looked more pissed off than amused that we were still laughing. Then he proceeded to explain to the Kiddo what the Treaty of Versailles did and the importance of it and something about brown shirts and carpetbaggers I think?
That's about the time Eco Nazi wandering into the room and of course he had to stop and listen to what the Captain was saying because he's pretty much an expert at world history so he was probably just making sure the Captain got all the facts right. Then he ruffled the Kiddo's hair before going back upstairs because he's totally 4 years older than him and totally an adult and that's what you do to kids who are that much younger than you....you ruffle their hair.
I don't think the Kiddo understood that his Dad was trying to tell him his cartoon made no sense and he should think about it awhile longer and draw something else that was more applicable to the assignment. So I stepped in to help in the translation, because I'm an awesome wife and mom and that's just what I do.
Me: How long did it take you to draw that?
Kiddo: 15 minutes.
Me: And how long did you spend on drawing just the time machine?
Kiddo: 14 minutes.
Me: Really? It only took you 14 minutes to draw it? That's impressive.
Kiddo: Well, I am a pretty talented artist.
Me: Excellent work on the squiggly lines at the top of the time machine too. It looks super cool and I totally get that there's electricity moving around up there. Your teacher is going to love that!
Kiddo: I know, right??
And that's when the Captain stopped speaking to me. So I went off to bed, but as I lay there trying to fall asleep I could hear him talking to the Kiddo about what a political cartoon is and offering some suggestions as to what he should draw. And when I got up this morning, there were about five drawings on the kitchen table that I recognized as Captain Carl's work. They were excellent cartoons with lots of nazi swastikas and globes and big hammers and fists on them and the Kiddo probably took one of them and turned it in as his own. Smart kid, that one.
I'm thinking about hanging one of the swastika cartoons inside the lid of the garbage can and adding "Heil smelly garbage!" to it because it would be a shame to throw away good art like that and also because it would be hilarious.
On Becoming My Grandmother
1 month ago