Monday, March 9, 2009

Pretty Much The Best Sci-Fi Movie Ever

DISCLAIMER: This post is very poignant and gripping and deeply meaningful in the way that all my entries are, especially when they are about pornos and no one that I know in real life should read it so MOVE ALONG UNCLE NORM, THERE IS NOTHING FOR YOU TO SEE HERE.

From time to time, Captain Carl and I like to watch movies. Friday night we watched Twilight together and when I say "together" I mean "I watched it on tv while the Captain sat next to me watching something else involving kung fu and manly awesomeness on his laptop" because we are romantic that way. And because we are cultured and support the arts, we chose an indy flick for our Sunday night movie called "Sex Trek" that I'm pretty sure won an award at Cannes for Best Screenplay. So 9:30pm rolled around and we retired to the bedroom to enjoy the film because art such as this should only be viewed in a private location by a very mature audience who can appreciate the subtleties and nuances of the plot and also because that's where I keep my vibrator.

I knew this was gonna be a fantastic porno right from the start because it opened with the Enterprise ship flying through space, except it was called the Intercourse instead and it was covered in stripper glitter and looked kind of like it was cut out of cardboard. And then we hear Captain James. T Quick's voiceover: "Space. Big...dark...spooky. These are the voyages of the Starship Intercourse. It's five minute mission? To spread the seed of humanity to any hot looking babe in a space suit."

So yeah, this movie is genius and clearly we made the right choice by watching it instead of "The Changeling" even though I heard Angelina Jolie is amazing in that movie and it's message about our society's past treatment of women and police corruption is extremely thought-provoking. But there was just no way I could have passed up a movie with characters named Mr. Sperm and Squatty and featured an alien woman who gets beamed up by Squatty totally naked and shoots lasers out of her eyes that make people super horny. Sorry Angie.

I think I enjoyed Sex Trek a lot more than the Captain though. He said it was "too talkie" and "only had one lesbian scene" but I'm pretty sure what he meant was that he found the characters unbelievable and lacking the multi-dimensional traits that he normally looks for in a high quality science fiction film.

8 comments:

Kurt said...

I think you totally made the right choice and I'm also sure it was too talky because just that part you told us about had less boobs in it then I've come to expect from my porn.

(*goes to netflix queue*)

Betsey Booms said...

Mr. Booms and I will be searching out this movie.

Remember when all porn was "talkie"?

Oh and my word verification is busnyin

Which becomes awesome when you say, "It's busnyin time, awwwww yeah."

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

There was a movie on the other night called "Aeriola 51" and the fact that I watched Law and Order instead has slowly eaten away at my heart every moment since then.

Traceytreasure said...

We watched the Anatomy of Sex on the Discovery channel. It was very educational. We watched it in our room while the kids played the Wii in the living room. They even showed a 3D picture of an orgasm. You might like it!! ;)
It was guy on girl though, so maybe not!! LOL!!

Hugs!!

PLO said...

Oh my god, you KILL ME! I must run right out and rent this, and dig out my klingon costume!

Jen said...

If there was only one lesbian scene it certainly was not up to the standards set by the American Porno Industry. I'm quiet sure this film would have garnered only two cocks up out of a possible five.

Houston said...

I am speechless.

Do you really want everyone to know where you keep your "Magic Man Wand?"

Miss Yvonne said...

Houston: Well, I just assumed most people keep their vibrator in the bedroom....although I did keep mine in my car for awhile, but keeping a power adapter in there was too much hassle, plus it was awkward when big trucks drove up next to me.