Sunday, March 29, 2009

Do You Wanna Be On Top?

Here's my weekend alone in a nutshell. hee hee, I said nut.

Friday night:
  • Eat frozen pizza while watching basketball game.
  • Eat chocolate while watching basketball game.
  • Start a load of laundry.
  • Eat Twizzlers while watching basketball game.
  • Forget about laundry.

Saturday:

  • Sleep in.
  • Go shopping for cheap clothes.
  • Go to sister's house and help her strip wallpaper in her bathroom.
  • Forget to drink any water during the five hours spent stripping (that's what she said).
  • Get dizzy from lack of water intake and wallpaper remover fumes.
  • Rock out to 80's music on the drive home.

Sunday:

  • Sleep in.
  • Touch up gray roots.
  • Shave legs in preparation for husband's return tonight. Bow chica wow wow.
  • Eat leftover pizza.
  • Drink five Diet Cokes.
  • Watch a zillion hours of America's Next Top Model on the Oxygen channel.
  • Go for a walk.
  • Eat ice cream and totally negate weight loss achieved on walk.
  • Watch a trajillion more hours of ANTM.
  • Sing ANTM theme song over and over (Do you wanna be on top? Hells yeah I do, Tyra).

That's about it. What? Oh right, like whatever you did was any better.

17 comments:

Kurt said...

I think I just grew a vagina from reading this.

Kathy said...

I got your link from Kurt. I am totally bored and a champion lurker. So I went back and read everything you wrote this year. Yeah I'm weird. I laughed my fucking ass off. My husband is watching TV and can't believe I am totally about to pee my pants. I am your new fan. But I don't comment often but be assured I will read everything.

Miss Yvonne said...

Kurt: It's called a mangina and I'm so proud of you. Get ready for the PMS though...it sucks.

Kathy: Wow, I'm flattered and a little freaked out. I am making it my goal to get you to actually pee your pants. Please write when it happens.

Traceytreasure said...

Saturday: worked 9 to 4
Sunday: worked 11:30 to 5

I like working on Sundays. I can listen to Hot FM and not 50's and 60's music!
Hubby brought 3 horny guinea pigs(they were trying to hump momma and sister yesterday, cue banjo music....not in my house!) to the pet store on the way to play golf and he brought pizza home for dinner.
I'm making chocolate chip cookies now but spending time with my sister would have been better.
Hope you have a great week!
Hugs!! (typed Jugs first...hehehe)

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Ahhhh, tricky, you!! Very provocative post title!!

I don't watch ANTM and i dont know that phrase, so I went back through the post three times, like sex? where? naked? where?

Tricking me is like tricking a dumb puppy with a laser pointer. I hope you're happy.

skywind said...

Oh, the things popular.
Health information
Humor & Fun World

Dana's Brain said...

I am constantly trying to forget about my laundry, but damn if it isn't taking up the entire couch. Again.

Nikki said...

The laundry? What about the laundry? I just have to know if it ever got finished.

Sounds like a perfect weekend to me!

Prosy said...

Your weekend sounds exactly like mine. Except I would never help my sister with her wallpaper.

Betsey Booms said...

No my weekend blew goats.

Which were nanny goats. I don't know how that works.

Nanny goats are girls right?

I don't know anything about goats.

obviously.

Mandy's Kidding said...

My five-year-old son likes to have me pretend to walk the runway, and then he critiques my imaginary photo, and then awards me America's Next Top Mama.

I'm making him gay so he'll never leave me.

Lindsay said...

I just about squirted pop out of my nose when I read the "that's what she said" comment. Ha. I'm new to your blog.. Mandy pimped Kurt, Kurt pimped you, which led me here. :-)

creative-type dad said...

you said 'nut' (heh-heh)

Vic said...

The best part is where you're all high and dehydrated and driving to the 80's hits! Was there any Bryan Adams? I love that guy.

Brandy Rose said...

Mmm, Twizzlers.

Miss Yvonne said...

Tracey: I must insist you sign all your comments with "Jugs!" from now on.

SMU, Kid: Look over there! Quick!

Dana: Laundry is such a bitch that way.

Nikki: The laundry did get finished, but not until Sunday night.

Prosy: I told my sister this was the first, last and only time I would help with her wallpaper because my idea of a good time is not spending 5 hours ruining my nails and pulling at shit stuck to a wall.

Betsey: I think nanny goats only exist in nursery rhymes. Wasn't there a nursery rhyme about nanny goats and marsi dotes? What the fuck is a marsi dote, anyway?

Mandy: I only wish I had thought of that when my kid was young enough to turn gay. He's all hetero and shit now, I really missed the boat on that one.

Lindsay: You said "squirt" and "pop". I heart you.

C-T Dad: I did say nut and it was hilarious. Thanks for noticing.

Vic: No Bryan Adams, but there was Bon Jovi. Awwww hell yeah!

Brandy: Exactly.

Anna Russell said...

You just had the perfect weekend. I hate ANTM. Hate it. I only watch it every time it's on. No more than that though, out of principle.