I'm Totally Doggie Stylin' Over Here, Yo

Okay I admit it. I'm just trying to get people over here to my blog with this title. Because I've turned into a comment whore and I just won't be happy until I get at least 20 of them. And if being a comment whore is wrong, I don't wanna be right, baby.

So the Captain is taking the Kiddo to see family in Oklahoma this weekend. I am staying behind because no way am I leaving the renters alone in our house for two days. So at first I was excited at the prospect of a whole weekend to myself. I can do whatever I want....I can drink a whole bottle of wine and eat popcorn for dinner. I can watch nothing but chick flicks and Ghost Hunters and true crime shows on tv. I can spend the whole day shopping at antique and discount stores. I won't have to clean up after two messy men for two days straight!

But then I realized something...I can do all those things whenever I want. The Captain is forever encouraging me to "go do something fun for yourself" and telling me to "not worry so much about cleaning up all the time". If I tell him I'm going out for the day because I really need a break, he will give me a kiss and a pat on the ass and will say "Have a great time, darlin".

He really does call me darlin....I love that. Nobody says darlin where I'm from in Minnesota. It's straight out of a romance novel set on a horse ranch in the south about a strong willed and beautiful girl who's been burned by a lover from her past and a dark and brooding cowboy with a heart of gold.

I'm totally going to write that book. I think I'll call it "Your Mom Likes It Doggie Style" because the title will grab your attention and then when you read it you'll be all "Hey, there is no doggie style in this book" at first but then you'll realize how amazing the story is and what a brilliant writer I am so then you'll call your best friend and be all "Judy you have to read this book" and then Judy will be all "No thanks, I don't like dogs" and wow I really feel sorry for Judy.

I have two points here. The first is that I am ridiculously attractive and good in bed. The second is that I forget sometimes how lucky I am to be married to the Captain. Before we met, I spent two full years physically and mentally alone. After being dumped by the huge turd that is my ex, I deliberately avoided dating. When I was at my worst, I could go the whole weekend without speaking to another human being. Even at my best, I managed to spend some time with girlfriends but never with a man. I was scared of being taken advantage of, scared that I wasn't strong enough to see that whoever I might date next was a huge douche.

I finally decided to come out of my shell after I moved to Texas and decided it was time to date and have sex because hello, have you ever gone two straight years without it? Yeah, don't do it. That was a dumb thing to do.

When I got back in the game, the first and last person I dated was the Captain. There was no need to look further after I met him....no way could I find someone more perfect for me. Soon I'll blog about how we met and how our first few dates went....it's a great story, at least it is to me and hey this is my blog so suck it if you don't want to read about it. But let me just say for now that I had two years to eat popcorn for dinner and watch chick flicks and shop all by myself. There's nothing wrong with it, but that's not my life anymore. And yes, me and my vibrator will have a good time by ourselves on Saturday, but by Sunday afternoon I will be missing my boys and waiting anxiously for them to come home. And probably by Monday night I'll be pissed off because can't you two go one whole day without leaving garbage and socks everywhere?

Yeah, I'm a little high strung. I'm working on it, so shut up.